This is my funny new word.
Okay, it's not exactly new. You've probably heard it used before in a different context. And, apparently, Lewis Carroll actually coined it in 1876 for a poem.
But, it's new to me. To me, it's a sound of delighted surprise. SNARK!?!
The other way to say it is with the same assessing admiration that 30 Rock's Liz Lemon uses to say "Twist!"
Try it. It is a great word. It's my new motto. For some reason, I was lying in bed last night and it just sprang to mind. And it kept making me laugh. I could just hear it. I started saying it aloud and busting up. My husband just looked at me. My daughter wandered through, and once I explained what I was doing, she looked at me too and said, "I'm so sorry for you, Dad."
That reminded my husband of my recent unraveling of his metacognitive comic. He's a big fan of XKCD, and XKCD featured a strip about Douglas Hofstadter. Specifically his six word biography. I've looked at the strip tons of times, because it pops up on my husband's laptop a lot. And I always chuckle, yeah, yeah, it's about metacognition. That guy's so smart, he just starts a sentence. Then, we were eating in a restaurant the other day and I said, "Wait a minute! It's an Acronym! Oooohhhh!! I get it!! Ooh, that's even more funny!"
S and my daughters were like, What? You never got that before?
It reads: I'm so meta even this acronym...
I'm sure you readers get it right away, because you're very smart. So, S brought that up last night when I was rolling around giggling. He said, "You know, I used to have a friend smart enough to understand my favorite comic. He liked those metacognitive authors too. Yeah, he really liked what I liked." He sighed and tried to fall asleep.
Snark!
Thursday, September 6, 2012
Wednesday, September 5, 2012
Chit Chat
It's a cool grey morning here. My whole family woke up slow-- sleepy and sluggish in our first-light preparations for the day. I think we're passing a mild virus around...
I really don't know what to say here, but I'm going to at least say something. I feel a bit tired and a bit empty. Not bad. Just don't feel that pressure of the spark of an idea yesterday or today.
What can I offer to make this day a little easier? (To paraphrase Bradbury). I don't know.
OMG. It has just this second started to rain!! Oh, that is just incredibly beautiful. I'm sitting at my large green desk, looking out on the view of trees and shrubs through the window and the sliding glass door. I can hear the thick drops falling, singing their song of autumn and change. Washing away any troubles or doubts. I find rain soothing and rejeuvenating, and I love to walk in it. See. I didn't know what to write and then the world gave me material.
So far today, I've started some laundry and brought all the bills up to date for this month. Ugh. That wasn't that fun. I can't complain because somehow through earnings and gifts and credit, we always have enough cash flow to fund whatever we need. But I do wish I could become less extravagant in my spending. It doesn't seem sustainable over the long term. But then, somehow it has been sustainable for the last three decades, so maybe I'm wrong to worry? Having two kids is just expensive, and I know our costs will go down once they are out of college. At least, I hope they will! :)
So, it's been an hour of math and figuring at my desk, and now a bit of a break. I finished all my work for my main supplier yesterday and I'm waiting to hear when I will get more. I don't mind being done for a bit -- and I have stuff for my other clients, plus my writing project to get going. Hopefully, she and I are meeting this week. She's a busy mom too, so I think she gets overwhelmed like I do.
What else, friends, what else?
Today is my parents' 48th wedding anniversary. We've invited them over for a home-cooked meal. My dad's big plan to celebrate -- I am not making this up -- was to go to the grocery store and use their $10 coupon to buy stuff. Yay? My mom looked pretty doubtful about that and jumped at the chance to come over here. But, hey, that's their marriage and their deal. I'll make it nice for them. We have some light wine and I'll buy flowers. I might even have a couple of little gifts I can give them. I'm making Green Chicken in the crockpot, so I'll go get that going next.
The dinner menu is:
Bleu Cheese Apple Salad
Green Chicken
Orange Carrots with Honey-Butter Glaze
Red Potatoes
Crusty Brown Rolls
(Once I had a couple of colors, I thought I should just go for it. Oh gosh, do you see the theme there? Now that I wrote it out, I do. How about Your Rainbow of Love? And I'll buy rainbow flowers and put up some streamers... Maybe a cake with a rainbow on it? Party planning is SO easy. I asked my friend the bride about her wedding decor and she said she thought that the hotel coordinator and the florist would handle it. What?? She THOUGHT? She's not even sure? Isn't it great how the world is full of all different types of people for variety?)
And after cooking?
Then, I guess I'll go somewhere and write. Maybe get a nice croissant and a cup of coffee. That sounds yummy on a rainy morning. I've got proposals and research. Plus I'm starting to do character sketches for my new project of children's stories.
Til Later, alligators...
I really don't know what to say here, but I'm going to at least say something. I feel a bit tired and a bit empty. Not bad. Just don't feel that pressure of the spark of an idea yesterday or today.
What can I offer to make this day a little easier? (To paraphrase Bradbury). I don't know.
OMG. It has just this second started to rain!! Oh, that is just incredibly beautiful. I'm sitting at my large green desk, looking out on the view of trees and shrubs through the window and the sliding glass door. I can hear the thick drops falling, singing their song of autumn and change. Washing away any troubles or doubts. I find rain soothing and rejeuvenating, and I love to walk in it. See. I didn't know what to write and then the world gave me material.
So far today, I've started some laundry and brought all the bills up to date for this month. Ugh. That wasn't that fun. I can't complain because somehow through earnings and gifts and credit, we always have enough cash flow to fund whatever we need. But I do wish I could become less extravagant in my spending. It doesn't seem sustainable over the long term. But then, somehow it has been sustainable for the last three decades, so maybe I'm wrong to worry? Having two kids is just expensive, and I know our costs will go down once they are out of college. At least, I hope they will! :)
So, it's been an hour of math and figuring at my desk, and now a bit of a break. I finished all my work for my main supplier yesterday and I'm waiting to hear when I will get more. I don't mind being done for a bit -- and I have stuff for my other clients, plus my writing project to get going. Hopefully, she and I are meeting this week. She's a busy mom too, so I think she gets overwhelmed like I do.
What else, friends, what else?
Today is my parents' 48th wedding anniversary. We've invited them over for a home-cooked meal. My dad's big plan to celebrate -- I am not making this up -- was to go to the grocery store and use their $10 coupon to buy stuff. Yay? My mom looked pretty doubtful about that and jumped at the chance to come over here. But, hey, that's their marriage and their deal. I'll make it nice for them. We have some light wine and I'll buy flowers. I might even have a couple of little gifts I can give them. I'm making Green Chicken in the crockpot, so I'll go get that going next.
The dinner menu is:
Bleu Cheese Apple Salad
Green Chicken
Orange Carrots with Honey-Butter Glaze
Red Potatoes
Crusty Brown Rolls
(Once I had a couple of colors, I thought I should just go for it. Oh gosh, do you see the theme there? Now that I wrote it out, I do. How about Your Rainbow of Love? And I'll buy rainbow flowers and put up some streamers... Maybe a cake with a rainbow on it? Party planning is SO easy. I asked my friend the bride about her wedding decor and she said she thought that the hotel coordinator and the florist would handle it. What?? She THOUGHT? She's not even sure? Isn't it great how the world is full of all different types of people for variety?)
And after cooking?
Then, I guess I'll go somewhere and write. Maybe get a nice croissant and a cup of coffee. That sounds yummy on a rainy morning. I've got proposals and research. Plus I'm starting to do character sketches for my new project of children's stories.
Til Later, alligators...
Tuesday, September 4, 2012
Slow Simmer
Morning, again. Another lovely patchwork of green and gold, light and song. My own words don't come to mind as much as this, the ending of a book I love, Fahrenheit 451. I ponder the inexplicable quality of life, of the work of being alive, and my unconscious brings this passage to the front of my memory. So I offer it here:
But now there was a long morning's walk until noon, and if the men were silent it was because there was everything to think about and much to remember. Perhaps later in the morning, when the sun was up and had warmed them, they would begin to talk, or just say the things they remembered, to be sure they were there, to be absolutely certain that things were safe in them. Montag felt the slow stir of words, the slow simmer. And when it came his turn, what could he say, what could he offer on a day like this, to make the trip a little easier? To everything there is a season. Yes. A time to break down, and a time to build up. Yes. A time to keep silence, and a time to speak. Yes, all that. But what else. What else?
But now there was a long morning's walk until noon, and if the men were silent it was because there was everything to think about and much to remember. Perhaps later in the morning, when the sun was up and had warmed them, they would begin to talk, or just say the things they remembered, to be sure they were there, to be absolutely certain that things were safe in them. Montag felt the slow stir of words, the slow simmer. And when it came his turn, what could he say, what could he offer on a day like this, to make the trip a little easier? To everything there is a season. Yes. A time to break down, and a time to build up. Yes. A time to keep silence, and a time to speak. Yes, all that. But what else. What else?
Monday, September 3, 2012
Like a Purple Dream
With the other areas of my life settling down...
...I finally got to go in and get fitted for my bridesmaid dress!! I wanted the girls to go with me -- thought they'd enjoy the bridal shop scene -- so I waited for a day off when we had some free time. My friend kind of freaked me out by telling me to make an appointment -- I kept putting it off because I really am not the best at tying myself down to being in one certain spot at one certain time, especially on leisure days. Then I had an a-ha moment where I realized that an appointment wasn't really necessary. I realized that the clerks were there anyway and that if I just showed up and said I was there to see my dress style and I had a credit card to pay them, that they were very likely to make some time for me.
And that's exactly the way it worked out. We had a nice lunch at Nordstrom*, then browsed around the mall in a leisurely fashion, then went to the bridal shop. Very relaxed and fun.
I don't exactly love the dress. I would have gone with something with even more style and detail, especially around the hem. But it is MY dress, and I GET TO BE A BRIDESMAID! Tra la la!!!
Also, it's not terrible. The fit is pretty flattering, and the color (eggplant, a deep, rich purple) is great for me. I think I was probably one of the happiest bridesmaids they have ever seen come through there.
I was a bit worried about having to order the size so far ahead. In general, my weight and shape is fairly stable. But I'm pretty sure that this wedding and the general upward trend in my life is going to encourage me to exercise a lot more in the next five months. Hopefully they can do alterations right up until the wedding. I might just have to pay more.
Now I need silver strappy shoes, and I have to find out what she wants with our hair. I'll see if I can hire my stylist to do it for me. And I need to go to some make-overs for photo make-up. Usually I just wear it the same way all the time, sort of simple-casual. AND I need to see if the bride wants help with theme or decor as the girls and I are practically experts at that kind of thing.
In the car, the girls were asking me, Mom, do we get dresses? What's her theme?
I replied, Um, I don't think she has a theme. Just "wedding."
They were horrified. No theme. You can't have a party without a theme. How will she pull the look together? Tell her to talk to us, Mom. We've been doing this since we were five.
And you know -- they have.
I wanted to cut and paste the dress photo here, but the best I can do is a link to the website. If you click on the Color tab, eggplant is the purple square on the bottom row. It's kinda fun to change the colors around. Well, I think it's kinda fun...
***********
* It was the first time we've been back to Nordstrom cafe since I wrote that nice note. The manager took our order personally. Then when we left after lunch, he followed us out into the store just to thank us again. He said that it went to all of his bosses and it made a huge impression! That's nice to hear. He's a good guy running a good business, and he deserves the recognition.
...I finally got to go in and get fitted for my bridesmaid dress!! I wanted the girls to go with me -- thought they'd enjoy the bridal shop scene -- so I waited for a day off when we had some free time. My friend kind of freaked me out by telling me to make an appointment -- I kept putting it off because I really am not the best at tying myself down to being in one certain spot at one certain time, especially on leisure days. Then I had an a-ha moment where I realized that an appointment wasn't really necessary. I realized that the clerks were there anyway and that if I just showed up and said I was there to see my dress style and I had a credit card to pay them, that they were very likely to make some time for me.
And that's exactly the way it worked out. We had a nice lunch at Nordstrom*, then browsed around the mall in a leisurely fashion, then went to the bridal shop. Very relaxed and fun.
I don't exactly love the dress. I would have gone with something with even more style and detail, especially around the hem. But it is MY dress, and I GET TO BE A BRIDESMAID! Tra la la!!!
Also, it's not terrible. The fit is pretty flattering, and the color (eggplant, a deep, rich purple) is great for me. I think I was probably one of the happiest bridesmaids they have ever seen come through there.
I was a bit worried about having to order the size so far ahead. In general, my weight and shape is fairly stable. But I'm pretty sure that this wedding and the general upward trend in my life is going to encourage me to exercise a lot more in the next five months. Hopefully they can do alterations right up until the wedding. I might just have to pay more.
Now I need silver strappy shoes, and I have to find out what she wants with our hair. I'll see if I can hire my stylist to do it for me. And I need to go to some make-overs for photo make-up. Usually I just wear it the same way all the time, sort of simple-casual. AND I need to see if the bride wants help with theme or decor as the girls and I are practically experts at that kind of thing.
In the car, the girls were asking me, Mom, do we get dresses? What's her theme?
I replied, Um, I don't think she has a theme. Just "wedding."
They were horrified. No theme. You can't have a party without a theme. How will she pull the look together? Tell her to talk to us, Mom. We've been doing this since we were five.
And you know -- they have.
I wanted to cut and paste the dress photo here, but the best I can do is a link to the website. If you click on the Color tab, eggplant is the purple square on the bottom row. It's kinda fun to change the colors around. Well, I think it's kinda fun...
***********
* It was the first time we've been back to Nordstrom cafe since I wrote that nice note. The manager took our order personally. Then when we left after lunch, he followed us out into the store just to thank us again. He said that it went to all of his bosses and it made a huge impression! That's nice to hear. He's a good guy running a good business, and he deserves the recognition.
Sunday, September 2, 2012
Non-Giving
So, now I'm in a non-giving phase. That's right. I don't have to give anything to anybody.
Except, I find, I still am.
As soon as my phase ended, I discovered that my attorney had gone to court for me on his birthday. I've mentioned how I feel about birthdays before, have I? Right, I think so. My deeply held beliefs about that combined with my excessive gratitude. The next thing I knew I was right out in a store, snapping up gift cards to his favorite restaurant (I saw him there once) and whisking them into the mail with a heartfelt note of appreciation.
That made 30 consecutive days.
And now, now, I find myself at my computer screen, with the luxury of "playing" instead of working, and I'm getting little tasks done. You know, making holiday travel reservations and finding out when the Lunar festival will be this year, that kind of thing. And I am remembering that my oldest aunt's 90th birthday will be this week. Groupon very kindly shot an FTD discount my way so I think I will go with flowers in addition to the specialty cookies she likes. She doesn't need more jewelry or other stuff to clutter her small space. But I think I'm the only one in her life who ever buys her flowers, as she never married, has no children, and the other family members are busy with their own families.
Do you like the flowers above? They were the cheapest... err... most colorful ones on the site, so I think I'll go with them. They are very cheerful aren't they? I buy flowers all the time for myself and the house. (I buy them at Trader Joe's for under $5, but they're still pretty.)
I'm not sure that I really have the hang of stopping my generosity. Oh well.
Goal Setting
I'm still using my space here to reflect on the recent past and the possible future.
Back in April, I had lunch with my boss and followed a path of open honesty. The energy of that prompted me to re-evaluate where I was in my life, and where I would like to go. On Friday, April 13th, I set some intentions for the year, and I put them out in writing, expecting 2012 to be miraculous.
And indeed, it has!!
Four days from that post, my attorney called me and said that it was time to move forward. I'd been waiting for that call for years. It was almost as if by setting my intention, I opened myself to a tremendous energy in life that was just waiting to express itself.
I had four major goals in April -
To gain total legal freedom - I am already halfway there and more. I truly believe that the October date will wrap this all up. Which still makes me so buzzy-excited I can hardly breathe!!
To get fit and in shape - I'm working on that one. I have done a good job of adding more yoga classes to my weeks, and I am getting more fit. I've reduced my claories per day somewhat and I am seeing slow - very slow- progress. Since July, I've managed to move about 2 pounds. I expect that to accelerate as more things in my life feel resolved. I've known for a while now that I'm not that fond of losing ANYTHING so I tend to resist. I have a much stronger energy of providing and keeping and over-abundance. My losses in life have hurt and so my body tries to protect me from that. But, really, I would be okay with being leaner. Really.
To have a lot of money - Work has been surprisingly steady this year. Now that I'm back in the flow with school, I plan to pick up more hours. I'm meeting with my boss this week, and I'm actively thinking of new occupation possibilities. Besides simply putting in more hours with the clients I already have, I plan to mail out solicitation letters to targeted nonprofits. (Giveback). I'm going to invest some time in writing the first drafts of the children's stories I've been shaping in my mind, so that they're ready for submission in 2013. I have three books stacked on the floor right now that could help me here- one on writing for children, and two on re-inventing your career after setbacks, so I can commit to read those this month. I'm making $2000 per month now, and I want to move that to $5000 per month, pay off those last few bills, and invest heavily towards college costs. I also thought of finding existing event planning/fundraising companies and approaching them about being an assistant. I'm really good at that kind of organizing/planning/special day work and I think it would still have a lot of flexibility suited to my lifestyle.
Reconnecting with old friends - Check and check! There is excellent progress on this one. Next to the legal resolution, this is an area of life where I feel the most growth. I've made a point since April of actively and regularly reaching out to friends and I do feel more connected in general. I'm pretty confidant that my flourishing friendships are one of the best features of my very good life. I used to approach friendship with much more need and desperation, but now I am very content. Also, friendship is an art that I much enjoy practicing -- giving the right amount of effort and time for healthy, balanced friendships to grow.
Back in April, I had lunch with my boss and followed a path of open honesty. The energy of that prompted me to re-evaluate where I was in my life, and where I would like to go. On Friday, April 13th, I set some intentions for the year, and I put them out in writing, expecting 2012 to be miraculous.
And indeed, it has!!
Four days from that post, my attorney called me and said that it was time to move forward. I'd been waiting for that call for years. It was almost as if by setting my intention, I opened myself to a tremendous energy in life that was just waiting to express itself.
I had four major goals in April -
To gain total legal freedom - I am already halfway there and more. I truly believe that the October date will wrap this all up. Which still makes me so buzzy-excited I can hardly breathe!!
To get fit and in shape - I'm working on that one. I have done a good job of adding more yoga classes to my weeks, and I am getting more fit. I've reduced my claories per day somewhat and I am seeing slow - very slow- progress. Since July, I've managed to move about 2 pounds. I expect that to accelerate as more things in my life feel resolved. I've known for a while now that I'm not that fond of losing ANYTHING so I tend to resist. I have a much stronger energy of providing and keeping and over-abundance. My losses in life have hurt and so my body tries to protect me from that. But, really, I would be okay with being leaner. Really.
To have a lot of money - Work has been surprisingly steady this year. Now that I'm back in the flow with school, I plan to pick up more hours. I'm meeting with my boss this week, and I'm actively thinking of new occupation possibilities. Besides simply putting in more hours with the clients I already have, I plan to mail out solicitation letters to targeted nonprofits. (Giveback). I'm going to invest some time in writing the first drafts of the children's stories I've been shaping in my mind, so that they're ready for submission in 2013. I have three books stacked on the floor right now that could help me here- one on writing for children, and two on re-inventing your career after setbacks, so I can commit to read those this month. I'm making $2000 per month now, and I want to move that to $5000 per month, pay off those last few bills, and invest heavily towards college costs. I also thought of finding existing event planning/fundraising companies and approaching them about being an assistant. I'm really good at that kind of organizing/planning/special day work and I think it would still have a lot of flexibility suited to my lifestyle.
Reconnecting with old friends - Check and check! There is excellent progress on this one. Next to the legal resolution, this is an area of life where I feel the most growth. I've made a point since April of actively and regularly reaching out to friends and I do feel more connected in general. I'm pretty confidant that my flourishing friendships are one of the best features of my very good life. I used to approach friendship with much more need and desperation, but now I am very content. Also, friendship is an art that I much enjoy practicing -- giving the right amount of effort and time for healthy, balanced friendships to grow.
September's Here
I love to go out in late September
among the fat, overripe, icy, black blackberries
to eat blackberries for breakfast,
the stalks very prickly, a penalty
they earn for knowing the black art
of blackberry-making; and as I stand among them
lifting the stalks to my mouth, the ripest berries
fall almost unbidden to my tongue,
as words sometimes do, certain peculiar words
like strengths or squinched,
many-lettered, one-syllabled lumps,
which I squeeze, squinch open, and splurge well
in the silent, startled, icy, black language
of blackberry eating in late September.
Galway Kinnell
*****
Note: I first read this poem in September when I was teaching my first high school English class. Blackberries were hanging ripe on the wild vines in the mountains near my home where my family would fall on them during our hikes. I brought blackberries to class and we ate them and read the poem and made a list of sensory details that could become part of our own writing about blackberries -- and language.
Interestingly, I found three different versions of this poem on common poetry sites, and they all handled the last line slightly differently. I found "blackberry -- eating in late September," "blackberry-eating", and "blackberry eating." I don't know which is correct, but the dash didn't seem right. I opted for the version that treated the phrase in the same way as the poem's title. But it was an interesting little foray into the importance of editing.
I found a few links to other Galway Kinnell poems that I liked as well, most notably "When one has lived a long time alone" and "Oatmeal." He's a fabulous poet and I enjoy his work whenever I come across it.
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