It's a beautiful day so far...
Last night I could hardly sleep. Even though I was tired, I felt excited about today, and just the season in general. Light from the full moon poured silver through the open windows along with the melody of cool autumn night air and transformed our home into an extraordinary space.
With a little juggling this morning, we got two girls into costumes and to their schools on time, and I made it back for the start of the day costume parade. It's my last year as an elementary-school mom, and it was great to stand on the playground, snapping photos of B with her friends, chatting with my friends, and the moon still hovering in the morning sky.
Still to come today - pumpkin carving and putting on other costumes. Friends and family coming to share dinner with us and then trick or treat throughout our neighborhood. Lots of candy and flickering candlelight and the dark October sky. I always like October but I have to say that this is the best one ever.
The spirits move in autumn, along with the winds. This year, that energy has been extremely powerful again.
A good day to you and yours and wishes for all the transformations and regenerations that you desire.
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
From Truman Capote -
To me, the greatest pleasure of writing is not what it's about, but the inner music the words make. ~ Truman Capote
Tuesday, October 30, 2012
Upbeat
Something has just occurred to me. It may be that you are in the habit of reading this blog to get a little dose of busyness and cheer. That's my usual MO, after all. With just a sprinkling of moodiness and a nod towards the literary to make it interesting.
So perhaps the last month, as I alternately sulked and ranted hasn't been the best reading experience. Sorry about that!
I know that I have a variety of sites I check in with during the day, when I just need a little mood lift or a bit of intellectual stimulation. (And apparently cute kittens are a thing?) So if I've let you down lately, I promise to reform.
The bottom line is this: for all my worrying and for all the struggle, things turned out OKAY. Things turned out great actually! In the end, everything does work out. Things get better; problems get resolved. Hope and love continue. Sure, maybe it doesn't all work out the way you planned, or even the way you hoped it would, but it does turn out pretty okay.
And the world continues. Often beautifully.
One of the lovely tasks on my to do list right now is sending out thank you emails and cards to my many friends. Throughout all my ups and downs, there were people who stood with me and gave support in a wide variety of ways. Even you, readers, by taking part of this journey with me. I count you among my dear friends. I even count this blog as a friend. It is there for me, unfailingly, and always provides a place to express, to consider, or to celebrate my life.
And that's a very good thing, isn't it? : )
So perhaps the last month, as I alternately sulked and ranted hasn't been the best reading experience. Sorry about that!
I know that I have a variety of sites I check in with during the day, when I just need a little mood lift or a bit of intellectual stimulation. (And apparently cute kittens are a thing?) So if I've let you down lately, I promise to reform.
The bottom line is this: for all my worrying and for all the struggle, things turned out OKAY. Things turned out great actually! In the end, everything does work out. Things get better; problems get resolved. Hope and love continue. Sure, maybe it doesn't all work out the way you planned, or even the way you hoped it would, but it does turn out pretty okay.
And the world continues. Often beautifully.
One of the lovely tasks on my to do list right now is sending out thank you emails and cards to my many friends. Throughout all my ups and downs, there were people who stood with me and gave support in a wide variety of ways. Even you, readers, by taking part of this journey with me. I count you among my dear friends. I even count this blog as a friend. It is there for me, unfailingly, and always provides a place to express, to consider, or to celebrate my life.
And that's a very good thing, isn't it? : )
All Joking Aside...
Last week, the girls and I were in Barnes and Noble. Despite their protests, I stopped at the seasonal display of picture books.
"I know you're too old," I said. "This is research. I have to keep up with what's out there!"
I picked up some horrible Halloween board book. The title thankfully escapes me, but I remember something about a lumpy pumpkin. Which sounds way cuter than the book was.
"How is this even a book?" I was disgusted. "It doesn't rhyme, there's no regular pattern. It's not even cute!"
"Hey, Mom," chimed in my oldest daughter. "How many writers does it take to change a lightbulb?"
"I don't know. How many?"
"Four. One to change the lightbulb, and three to stand around and say, 'I could have done that better.'"
Okay, okay. Point taken...
"I know you're too old," I said. "This is research. I have to keep up with what's out there!"
I picked up some horrible Halloween board book. The title thankfully escapes me, but I remember something about a lumpy pumpkin. Which sounds way cuter than the book was.
"How is this even a book?" I was disgusted. "It doesn't rhyme, there's no regular pattern. It's not even cute!"
"Hey, Mom," chimed in my oldest daughter. "How many writers does it take to change a lightbulb?"
"I don't know. How many?"
"Four. One to change the lightbulb, and three to stand around and say, 'I could have done that better.'"
Okay, okay. Point taken...
Writing Class
And while I'm thinking about writing...
I got other great news this week. I got into the online writing class I wanted! Someone had to drop out so I got first choice at the spot and gladly accepted. It's the Memoir class too which is absolutely perfect.
Just the night before I had been thinking that I had a lot of events to write my way through recently. Now I'll have some prompting and some accountability over the next seven weeks to make sure I stick with it.
That's good, cause I'm sure I've got a lot to say.
I got other great news this week. I got into the online writing class I wanted! Someone had to drop out so I got first choice at the spot and gladly accepted. It's the Memoir class too which is absolutely perfect.
Just the night before I had been thinking that I had a lot of events to write my way through recently. Now I'll have some prompting and some accountability over the next seven weeks to make sure I stick with it.
That's good, cause I'm sure I've got a lot to say.
Day Before Halloween Calm
Good morning!
Tuesday today, and a good day to get a variety of things done. A friend texted this am to ask what I'm doing today, and I said, Making lists to split the hours between errands, yoga, and work. Yay.
After all the prep and the big party on Saturday, it almost feels to me like Halloween is already over. But it's not so there are a few more preparations to make today. I'm going to Target next to return the unused decorations and to lay in a few more bags of candy. Because it's a midweek holiday, I'm expecting more trick or treaters than normal. Usually if it falls on a weekend, people are more busy with parties and don't hit the neighborhoods as hard. We'll see.
Family friends and my parents are coming over to carve pumpkins with us, then share a meal and trick or treat. I probably should pick up some little gifts for our closest neighbors today.
I keep thinking of more and more things - both big and little - that I can actually do now! My informal list is up to five or six dozen things that I was inhibited from before. Even putting up decorations seems easier and less scary! Plus now I really do have to make some decisions about my professional writing name and platform.
Just got interrupted by a call from the Title company. He's trying to clear the title for our refinance. The appraiser was here yesterday. Assuming I can get motivated to pull all the docs and financial records together this week, we should be moving ahead pretty soon. The title guy needed to confirm our data. He also wanted to know about a 2008 judgment against me, which of course, isn't mine. That's the bad part of having such a common name. With this tough economy, so many people have defaulted on their bills that we get contacted ALL the time by creditors looking for people with names like ours. Sometimes it's nice having a common name and sometimes you need to stand out from the others!
Tuesday today, and a good day to get a variety of things done. A friend texted this am to ask what I'm doing today, and I said, Making lists to split the hours between errands, yoga, and work. Yay.
After all the prep and the big party on Saturday, it almost feels to me like Halloween is already over. But it's not so there are a few more preparations to make today. I'm going to Target next to return the unused decorations and to lay in a few more bags of candy. Because it's a midweek holiday, I'm expecting more trick or treaters than normal. Usually if it falls on a weekend, people are more busy with parties and don't hit the neighborhoods as hard. We'll see. Family friends and my parents are coming over to carve pumpkins with us, then share a meal and trick or treat. I probably should pick up some little gifts for our closest neighbors today.
I keep thinking of more and more things - both big and little - that I can actually do now! My informal list is up to five or six dozen things that I was inhibited from before. Even putting up decorations seems easier and less scary! Plus now I really do have to make some decisions about my professional writing name and platform.
Just got interrupted by a call from the Title company. He's trying to clear the title for our refinance. The appraiser was here yesterday. Assuming I can get motivated to pull all the docs and financial records together this week, we should be moving ahead pretty soon. The title guy needed to confirm our data. He also wanted to know about a 2008 judgment against me, which of course, isn't mine. That's the bad part of having such a common name. With this tough economy, so many people have defaulted on their bills that we get contacted ALL the time by creditors looking for people with names like ours. Sometimes it's nice having a common name and sometimes you need to stand out from the others!
Monday, October 29, 2012
The First Week of a New-Old Life
What a weird weekend! I am still trying to wrap my mind around everything. What I mainly feel now is a huge flood of relief and a sense of the surreal.
The friends I've told so far are all overjoyed for me and expect me to be celebrating. But I haven't even opened the champagne. All I'm doing so far is being very slow and deliberate, sticking to safe routines. Friday was really a draining, stress filled day. Although my mind knows that this is very, very good, my body had a whole panoply of fear-PTSD reaction just from being back in the same physical setting. The circularity of it all was eerie.
I keep thinking of things I am now able to do, just more and more little freedoms, and oddly, it just makes me realize how very oppressed and fearful I was on a daily basis. Like I said, it hasn't fully sunk in. I'm almost afraid to trust it too quickly.
I intentionally let my older daughter plan a Halloween party for Saturday night. Her first teen party, but girls only. Just gathering her peers for fun. I figured if I was depressed it would take my mind off of it, and if I was happy, then a party would be great. So as it was I had the wonderful, pressing needs of prepping a party to give me activiy and routine and social expectation while my body has sort of processed all of this.
I just got back from taking the court paperwork to the official agency, and I have to jump through a few more hoops and then there will be some delays in processing, etc. But I don't think that will matter much -- my life was able to move along pretty smoothly before -- and I have papers to carry with me to verify that I am indeed free!!
Again, thanks so much. In the end, the support I received did help quite a bit with my emotional stability. I'm probably going to wind up taking down all of my posts related to these issues - erase my own traces of my past - although that's only a small percentage of this blog so it will be here. As I move forward. Slowly. And carefully.
But gladly! : )
The friends I've told so far are all overjoyed for me and expect me to be celebrating. But I haven't even opened the champagne. All I'm doing so far is being very slow and deliberate, sticking to safe routines. Friday was really a draining, stress filled day. Although my mind knows that this is very, very good, my body had a whole panoply of fear-PTSD reaction just from being back in the same physical setting. The circularity of it all was eerie.
I keep thinking of things I am now able to do, just more and more little freedoms, and oddly, it just makes me realize how very oppressed and fearful I was on a daily basis. Like I said, it hasn't fully sunk in. I'm almost afraid to trust it too quickly.
I intentionally let my older daughter plan a Halloween party for Saturday night. Her first teen party, but girls only. Just gathering her peers for fun. I figured if I was depressed it would take my mind off of it, and if I was happy, then a party would be great. So as it was I had the wonderful, pressing needs of prepping a party to give me activiy and routine and social expectation while my body has sort of processed all of this.
I just got back from taking the court paperwork to the official agency, and I have to jump through a few more hoops and then there will be some delays in processing, etc. But I don't think that will matter much -- my life was able to move along pretty smoothly before -- and I have papers to carry with me to verify that I am indeed free!!
Again, thanks so much. In the end, the support I received did help quite a bit with my emotional stability. I'm probably going to wind up taking down all of my posts related to these issues - erase my own traces of my past - although that's only a small percentage of this blog so it will be here. As I move forward. Slowly. And carefully.
But gladly! : )
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