Thursday Rundown

So...

I've had a lovely morning. Spent those extra hours with my daughter since she missed first period again. At this point, I'm just being calm. Making the most of the time. We sat down together and went through her social studies chapters on The Civil War. At least she's bright and learns quickly. Just one more day --ONE MORE DAY!! -- and then vacation starts and we get to FINALLY sleep in a bit.

Then I went to a nice yoga class. And now I'm here. Typing away. Actually getting my work week going. I told you that I decided to give up on Mondays and Tuesdays and just start the week on Wednesdays or even Thursdays and then work straight through the weekend. I decided that I actually have more time and energy available on Fridays - Sundays since there is no drop off/pick up or homework to hassle with.

I counted. Yesterday I had to be at a specific place at a specific time to drop off or pick up TEN times between 7:30 am and 3:00 pm. That's right. That is more than once per hour. So now I don't even stress the writing.

Bad news is that I have enough other stuff to do all the time that I think I could probably procrastinate my writing indefinitely and never run out of other things that need my attention. So at some point, I do just have to sit down and get it going, even when the homework and laundry isn't done.

And I know that this is my bad for trying to work in a public setting but geez these ladies near me are bugging me. Thank God they finally just got up and left. I'm in a nice little patio and since all the other tables were full, I said they could share my large one. But I've never seen people shift around in their seats and pound/lean on/lean away from/lean back on a table SOOOO much. My computer keeps dancing around like a jumping bead. I can ignore their conversation, but please, please just hold still. But I know. If I wanted stillness and isolation, I could just stay at home. So I shouldn't complain.:)

Speaking of complaints... I keep asking questions. And I keep getting zero answers. It sort of makes my head hurt. In the absence of a response, I tend to create my own story. And here's the thing. My own narratives tend to be pretty nice. In the stories I tell myself, people are basically happy. They have some sense of resolution and meaning. They aren't just consumed by aching angry bitterness. But I just had the experience of finding out that real life ISN'T like the story I had. The real life guy actually seemed pretty darn angry. To the point where I'm checking my back when I'm out in town now, keeping my eye out for a sea-green Corolla. In fact, a friend honked at me when I walked out of yoga and I just froze in caution.

At least it's nice to be free. I do keep realizing how nice it is not to feel warded away from basic life. I'm enjoying being in the parks again, especially with the nicer weather. Anyway, best to all on this sunny Thursday.

Upbeat

Good morning.

It's Wednesday, and the sun is shining. Birds sing. Routines carry on.

I'm trying to count my blessings and focus my energies towards the positive.

Maybe Man

If you haven't listened to this song yet, you really need to. It is just so beautiful... and catchy too. I love what he's done with the rhythm of the words. I posted it a few days back; you can find it and play it from this blog.

Maybe Man ©2002 Jim Beckwith

I may not be the one you think you’re dreaming of
But in due time I might just be the one you love…

The prince and princess might just find their riches
after time and time again they find each other’s arms.
Older then, we understand
Love is like a castle built of sand.

I'm the maybe man, I maybe can
Be the one to take your hand

You might just find a simple romance in the single slow dance
running several circles in your mind…
The pleasure of this simple treasure not expecting ever
Never, -- ever shrinking over time.

But how to know - how time will flow
To gamble love; might miss a show…

I'm the maybe man, I maybe can
Be the one to take your hand

Do you wait to think you’ve finally found the one
And never really ever learn to craft your love?
And every time you’ve tried to love and lost
You reel in pain and grow more bitter daily til your gone?

We block the pain and try again
To learn at least, to be a friend…
I'm the maybe man, I maybe can
Be the one to take your hand…in love


credits from Maybe Man, released 01 October 2011
Jim Beckwith, guitar and vocals
Charlie Chadwick, recording

Some Sugar?

A little wooden sign sits on my kitchen counter.

It reads "Keep Calm and Eat Cupcakes" in soothing peach letters. That is not bad advice, not bad advice at all. I am just remembering that I purchased a coupon for a dozen cupcakes from a new bakery nearby. Apparently, all of their food, cupcakes included, is made with various alcohols.

Hmmm.... Mmmmm......

This is Why I Don't Even Try to Work on Tuesdays Anymore

Big, deep breath. It’s been another day, with its own challenges.

My fourteen year old is turning out to be a high-need child. Who knew?

I wake her up each morning at 7:00 am. Then I check on her about every 5 minutes to be sure she’s still awake and getting dressed. This morning, at 7:50 am, which is the last possible minute to leave and still be on time, I opened the door of her room to find her standing, in tears, with a look of dejected confusion on her face, still wearing her pajamas.

Her room is such a mess that she couldn’t find something she wanted to wear. All the clothes on the floor and in the closet were in the way of her finding clothes.

What can I do?

I can start screaming or I can choose to be as calm but firm as possible. Okay, find something and get dressed. She just literally gets stuck like that periodically.

Ultimately, I took her along to her sister’s orthodontist appointment. Her treatment ended last year, but after the first month, she forgot/refused to wear her retainers. So her teeth have started to move out of place. Kind man that he is, the orthodontist fit her into the day’s schedule; he adjusted her retainers and jammed them into her mouth. As he lectured her, he said that it would hurt for a few days but that if she starts wearing them now, she won’t have to go back into braces. So now I have to monitor that more carefully as well.

I feel like I spend about 12 hours each day taking care of J’s needs. And the rest on everyone else. Later today, an appraiser is coming back out to complete paperwork. The refinance is basically done. With luck, we can sign everything before the weekend. That will be one less thing I have to hassle with. I’m sure the grumpy loan processor at Wells Fargo is not going to enjoy being the spurned party. But that’s too bad. The other lender got everything done first, and they were much more polite too. I wanted to stay with Wells Fargo, but they made very little effort to keep our business. So that’s the way it has to be.

I’ve been doing a lot of questioning lately, a lot of reassessment of my life choices. Running into such a bitter ex really shook me up; it made me question my judgment. Like, how could I ever have been so into him? Was he a different person then? Was I just deluding myself? But why? Did he actively manipulate me? How did I not see that? All those kinds of self searches.

I know that I’m being as honorable as I can. At the end of the day, I demonstrate loyalty, and caring, and dedication, and persistence. Those are qualities I like having. Now if I can just keep all these little daily challenges in perspective...

The Week in Review

Quite a week, it's been quite a week. With ups and downs like a twisting, mountain road.

Monday I spent the first two hours of what should have been the school day home-tutoring my daughter in her social studies homework. Then I taught a nice yoga class and had a walk through the downtown.

Tuesday, my daughter was late for school, I fought it out with the neighbor about the tree, my daughter came home sick, and we missed my younger daughter's band concert.

Wednesday, everyone stayed home sick. I took the girls to the mall for lunch where we brought birthday presents for friends and then got pedicures to let us de-stress. I worked hard to let go of my tension and depression. Then I spent a good three hours working companionably with the elder on an essay for her English class. It's shocking and appalling to me that she has never been taught even the basics of essay writing. She refuses to let me teach her properly. But she will work with me when she has an assignment. So I'm teaching her by doing. I also taught her how to use semi-colons in a series of items. Te he. The essay came out beautifully.

Thursday was amazing. I still took my daughter to school late. She simply refuses to get ready in a timely way. But after I got her there, I went to the most amazing yoga class ever. Live music and great companions made practice a spiritual event. Then I met my former boss for a catch-up lunch. And guess what?? She wants me to come back to work for her!! She's pregnant, so she wants me back part time for six months and then she wants me to take over her entire client case load for four months while she takes a maternity leave. Yay!!! The day before I was soooo depressed about our ebbing money and now I have way more money coming in for the whole rest of the year. Ahh, how fortunes can change.

You just never know what's coming next. Barn's burned down, now I can see the moon!

And today, Friday, my daughter was late AGAIN. (That's right - the fifth time this week. I really do not know how to help her. I am at a total loss.) Then I went to a birthday brunch with friends. That was great. We got to swap all our frustrations and tips as moms of beleaguered students. Then I went to Target and Trader Joe's. Then I picked people up and made brownies. I brought home two friends for my daughter with the idea that they are all doing their late math work together. That's necessary because they are already deep into Algebra I/II quadratic equations and I really can't help them anymore. While I rocked Algebra in my own high school days, it's been a long time since I've had to run through all those steps in a trouble-shooting kind of way. So I brought the peer support in, and they've been chatting and (barely) working for the last three hours. At least, I really know her friends well. They are a delightful group of girls. I try to focus on these blessings with my daughter and not just be overwhelmed by the time management issues.

So, struggles, resolutions and good fortune -- angst and love -- that's my week.

Amazing Yoga Day

With the stress of this week, I've made an extra effort to get to my regular yoga classes. Yesterday's practice was amazing!

Talented yoga musician Jim Beckwith came to the studio and performed live music during the class. It was extraordinary. Being in the room with a whole community of people, all moving in sync, all breathing in a relaxed, flowing manner, sharing the spiritual energy of the moment was incredible. Jim's voice and quiet playing filled the room, lifting us along. My heart opened and love poured into me and then out into the world. A rush of warmth and caring projected out towards those in need.

I hadn't felt anything like that since my teacher training. Maybe, man...