Friday, September 30, 2011

A Song from a Different Decade Plays on the Radio

Heard this song this morning driving around in the early sun, still squinting sleep out of my eyes, my mind fogged with the mists of dreams...

"I am still dreaming of your face
Hungry and hollow from the things you took away
I don't want to be your good time
I don't want to be your fall-back crutch anymore

Walk right out into a brand new day..."

I am still living with your ghost
Lonely and dreaming of the west coast
I don't want to be your downtime
I don't want to be your stupid game

With my big black boots and an old suitcase
I do believe I'll find myself a new place
I don't want to be the bad guy
I don't want do your sleepwalk dance anymore
I just want to see some palm trees
I will try and shake away this disease

We can live beside the ocean
Leave the fire behind
Swim out past the breakers
Watch the world die

We can live beside the ocean
Leave the fire behind
Swim out past the breakers
Watch the world die

I am still dreaming of you face
Hungry and hollow for all the things you took away
I don't want to be your good time
I don't want to be your fall back crutch anymore

I'll walk right out into a brand new day
Insane and rising in my own weird way
I don't want to be the bad guy
I don't want to do your sleepwalk dance anymore

I just want to feel some sunshine
I just want to find some place to be alone

We can live beside the ocean
Leave the fire behind
Swim out past the breakers
Watch the world die

Yeah watch the world die
Yeah watch the world die

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Tarot Cards and Forces Beyond Our Control

I bought a pack of Tarot cards at a yard sale a few weeks ago. They were the classic banana-yellow Waite Rider type, shiny and new in their box. When I picked them up, the young woman offered, "Oh, I only used those once. I wanted to read them but it was too complicated. It was taking us forever to check the book and figure it out."

"What did you want to know?" Sympathy stirred in me. "I'll read for you if you like."

So I did. Right there at her yard sale, across some plastic tub lids we used as a table. It was my first attempt to read for a total stranger. When I've done readings before, it's always been for close friends or family. I've always felt that because I knew their situations well and already had opinions, it was cheating a bit. How could I know if I was really reading cards or just saying what I thought?

But with this young lady, the reading was clear. The cards lined up with what I would probably have advised her anyway from what I could gather by her questions. She was plagued with the same problems as us all: romance, money, job situation, the future. She seemed pleased with the reading; I hope it was able to help her.

When I consider Tarot readings, I'm never sure if I believe in them or not. It's funny because I can easily read the cards. It's an intuitive gift that I've grown into in the last few years. I'm just not sure what I make of it exactly. Is it really a message from some external force?

I tend to think of Tarot as a tool for self-discovery. To me, it doesn't deliver some Universal telegram as much as it helps to show people what is already on their minds. It taps into an inner consciousness.

I had a friend who believed that the Universe was composed of strong external forces. They would interfere in our lives, and put obstacles in the way of our successes. I was intrigued by that view at the same time I had a hard time really understanding it. I realized this morning that I do believe in powerful forces in the universe, powerful impacts affecting our lives. I just believe that we are behind a lot of those influences in our experiences.

Sure, there is an immense undercurrent at work in Existence; I just have the arrogance or the confidence to believe that I am a big part of it.

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Time Passing

Sometimes when you are really writing, there is just no space to think of anything else.

And when you are thinking of things, there is no more space to write.

Know what I mean?

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Daydreaming Break

Lately I've been trying to work like Diana Gabaldon. She said that when she first started writing her novels, she would open three or four or even five writing projects at a time. As soon as she got stuck on one, she would move to the next and just keep flipping through them so that she never got blocked.

She claims it kept her at the keyboard writing instead of drifting off into chores or other activities. She had a family to support so she needed to produce. Well, so do I.

I tend to be a very restless writer. After an hour or so, I'm ready to move around and focus on something else. So now I'm making sure to open multiple projects - a story, my blog, a letter, a few proposals - and skip around between them. It does seem to work.

Also, I just took a five minute break. I put my chin in my hand and gazed out the window at the trees and the sky. That helps too.

A Week Flew By

Back at the cafe today and it is abustle!

The last few weeks have been a blur of school and schedules and work and events. I had quite a late summer cold last week; it seemed like if I wasn't working, I was taking naps!

Today, I'm grateful to have my vibrant health and good mood. Plus the sky is like buttermilk and blue with a kiss of autumn's coolness floating on the breeze.

Friday, September 2, 2011

Dance Away the Heartache...

When things get hard, when all seems sad, reach inside for that ray of joy. Give yourself to dancing. Hum and sway. Vibrate with your own beat. And heal that heartache...

Thursday, September 1, 2011

Happy Anniversary!

I searched for something on my blog, and I was pulled back into the scribblings of days long past. I love my blog. I love writing it, and I love reading it.

When I go back, I can remember exactly what I was feeling as I wrote each post. I remember where I was sitting, what my hopes were, or my challenges. There is so much of me scattered across these posts, and I feel good when I see how much joy is reflected in them. I feel even better when I see the record of my sorrows. When I was suffering, I often wrote about a better future to come, focused my writing on hope for improvements.

Now, I am in that future I wrote about. And, indeed, the problems have lessened and fallen away. I have retained so many of the joys of the past and let go of the dross of negativity. Everything has gotten better and better. And I am happier, more often, than I have ever been in my life.

Having that record of my adversities and my triumphs, my determination and my strength has only helped me to learn to wield my tools more skillfully. I've often thought of abandoning this blog, or adapting it. I've wondered if I had grown beyond it.

Today, I've been keeping this blog for three years. And I'm thrilled with every little bit of it that lingers here, and tells me where I've been, what I've loved, and where I might be going.