Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Simple and Good

My boss took me out to lunch today along with the other co-worker on our team. It was a lovely, chatty afternoon. Because we are all computer-based and email-linked, we rarely meet face to face or even need to talk by phone, so it was a treat to spend time together in person.

Plus we exchanged Christmas gifts. Spontaneously, even though it's still only November.

The workload she sends my way has been a true blessing, as has her partnership and feedback. There's a strong possibility that our workload may even increase in the new year, which is just what I have been wishing for.

And, now, I'm home working, while listening to my daughter and her friend sort out their math homework. So, all in all, a very nice day, and hopefully, yours was as well.

Monday, November 28, 2011

Scratching the Surface

Ahhhh... long deep exhalation...

It's Monday, and I'm back to work with my normal routine. The last few weeks have been a blur of social life and also work, everything squeezed all in together, and lots of fun keeping me occupied and away from this part of my life.

I am currently working on making some deep changes to my self. There are several old situations that have dragged forward from my past that I am now ready to release. I've learned and grown, and these times have served their purposes, but there is no going backwards to change them in the past.

So onward into the future. An open, happy, possible future, A contented future. An abundant future. Secure, loving, peaceful. Healthy. When I peer down the path of my life, that's what I see. Sometimes I am so afraid of the tangles of undergrowth, the thicketing bushes that line that path. I am afraid of falling off, of being pushed off, of entangling myself in their menacing pain. Sometimes fear of being ensnared makes me want to freeze in my tracks. If I hold very, very still, maybe I'll be safe always.

But life doesn't work like that. The path must be walked. And determination, persistence and hope are always at my back, urging me forward.


I'm actively releasing my negative past. My limitations. the boundaries that crop up within my mind. I'm using work, and will, and all my inherent magical intentions.

I thought long and hard about giving up this blog, making it a part of the past I wiped away over the next year. But I love this blog. It is a part of me and captures so much of where I've been. I'm the kind to honor the past, to keep it and cherish it, even while letting it go. And it is not easy to let go of something that is a deep part of you. But I'm not the type for just erasing things to wipe them clean, so I continue to come to terms, to integrate, to synthesize and to embrace the new.

You know what's great? Freedom. Freedom is great. I enjoy it very much, even right at this moment, with beauty all around me.

Yeah, I'm sort of rambling. It's been a while since I've written much on my own terms. One thing I love about this blog is using it like a diary. I look back to see how I felt a year ago, two years ago. I use the past to project the future. Looks like in December I'll be doing a lot of shopping and Christmas prep, and in January, I'll regroup and surge ahead.

From last January:

I cannot get past the idea that life means persistence,
and persistence means hope,
and that hope means something yet to come,
something else worth waiting for,
while not only waiting.

Thursday, November 10, 2011


Driving to yoga, I thought, Well, nothing hurts, and everything works. I guess I can't complain.

I've spent lots of time with friends lately, hours and hours. And they are all having their various struggles and pains. And, honestly, it just makes me realize how very fortunate I am.

My life continues to go well. Work is steady, yoga is yummy, my family is happy. Two nights ago, B said, "Wow. Our family laughs a lot. None of my friends' families do."

I'd never thought about that, but I guess it's true. We're happy to be together, and even when things are stressful, we know we can count on each other to be a team.

The older I get, the more I see of Life, and the more contented I become.

Monday, November 7, 2011

Cafe Metacognition

Stolen from CBTL -

"Imagine for a moment

what the world would be like

without any...

hypothetical situations."

: ) !!!!!!!!!

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Yoga Detox - Wednesday, November 2

Last week, I accidentally met the yoga teacher who is going to help change my life.

Oh, I meant to go to yoga class. Just I thought I was in with the studio owner who I've taken classes with before. But when I walked in, a younger girl was leading the class. And it was the best class I've had in months. Absolutely perfect for my needs that day.

I just adore her. She is young, probably 20 years younger than me, but carries a surprising amount of spiritual energy. I felt an instant connection, a familiarity like coming home.

Class today was slow and calm and challenging. By the time we finished holding our camel pose and our pigeon pose and gumakasana (cow-faced) pose, I was almost crying. My quads always hold back a lot of my emotional energy and stretching that out will often trigger sadness or panic for me. Ah, the joy of working right on that edge, with gentle music and slow breath to soothe my mind.


For years, I have toyed with the idea of participating in NaNoWriMo. It's a compelling concept - 30 days, nonstop writing, and ta-da -- a Novel!!

But the reality is that November is always a busy month for me. It's the start of the holidays, there are several school vacations, and we always travel around Thanksgiving, not to mention the whole prep-the-house/cook the huge meal deal. Plus it seems like I always have a full grant load in November, maybe because CDBGs are due then. This year is no exception.

Now, March maybe. That is the slowest, longest, most boring month on record. There is just NOTHING going on in March. Yeah, Easter's coming, but it doesn't take much prep. And you might be in the middle of Lent, but how much time does it take to give something up for 40 days? So I should probably power out a first draft in March some year.

Anyway, this year I am devoting November to detoxing my life! All those worrisome fears and problems, those old anxieties, I am going to sweep them all away with the cobwebbed, cinnamon-scented broom of Autumn energy. My detox will contain many facets. I'll pump up my mind and my intellect by working steadily and joyfully at my paying career. I'll keep writing for the sheer pleasure of it. I'll buoy my spirits with a steady stream of fun activities with my ever-lovely friends. I'll choose fresh fruits and vegetables, and grains full of life, and proteins full of energy to nourish my body and my health.

And, most important, I will do yoga. Every day. A November Yoga Practice to sweep my spirit clean and open up the energy channels to the future. I have already begun.

And I am ready for big positive changes.