Monday, May 23, 2016

A Writing Retreat? Now that Sounds like Heaven...

 This sounds just like heaven right now. A simple getaway. All about writing. Interesting, literary people and food, wine, and creativity in France. Hummmmm...

The next retreat is this autumn. I am sorely tempted!
For the record, after my last little burst of complaint, I continued to buckle down and I did indeed slog through. That proposal is done and submitted. Well on its way to bringing funding, I believe. And onward I go!

Wednesday, May 18, 2016


Sometimes writing is really a slog. Since most of life is a slog these days, writing feels extra –sloggy. Sort of soggy and waterlogged like tromping through a swamp with thick mud adhering to the shoes and sucking the feet down with each slow step forward. Sloggy, sloggy, boggy, muddy slog.
Gotta write something, and fast, because I’ve got other stuff to do. None of it fun either. None of it terrible but none of it fun. All about deadlines and worst cases and preparing to handle things even harder than now. When now is actually plenty hard enough, thank you.

The creativity in my brain feels like it has shrunk down into a little dried pea, rattling around in a pot emptied by worries and scoured black by cares. Just a little dried speck, trying to juice up and give me enough words to competently just describe a simple program. I’m mean, I’m not even looking for REAL creativity, I’m not even trying to write something fun and made up, where characters become people, people that other people actually care about for years or even decades after their creation, in the way that fans are still attending conventions to argue passionately about Buffy and her ilk almost two decades later. No, I’m just trying to straightforward, vanilla pudding describe something. Maybe persuade slightly. Something I should have mastered at age 15. And I am stuck, stuck, stu…

Tuesday, May 17, 2016

Life in Fragments

Feeling a bit fragmented lately.

I'm not sure that everything around me -- all this life I'm living -- is the life I'm meant to be living. I'm not sure that it is quite the life I intend.

Although I am content with the various aspects of my life, yet, I feel like I am missing something. Something I want to be doing. Something that I am putting off as I grapple each day with the many demands of each hour. Something that I should not put off indefinitely as time keeps passing and bringing with it increased age.

My life feels a bit off center because it is fragmented. My life is fragmented because my days are fragmented. Divided up, literally, into chunks of hours with certain responsibilities assigned to each. With not quite enough chunks right now for the things that I want to explore.

A big part of it is being forced into caretaking that I was not ready to take on. With my Dad so ill, and my Mom struggling so in caring for him, I have had to step forward and accept the role of helping them both. Even though I feel inadequate to do it, what I do accomplish still helps a great deal. We have made huge strides in coping and in improving their lives in the last year. It does feel like a burden of care though.

So... I'm back to writing a bit. Trying to find the center of my core.

That sort of thing.