Scratching the Surface

Ahhhh... long deep exhalation...

It's Monday, and I'm back to work with my normal routine. The last few weeks have been a blur of social life and also work, everything squeezed all in together, and lots of fun keeping me occupied and away from this part of my life.

I am currently working on making some deep changes to my self. There are several old situations that have dragged forward from my past that I am now ready to release. I've learned and grown, and these times have served their purposes, but there is no going backwards to change them in the past.

So onward into the future. An open, happy, possible future, A contented future. An abundant future. Secure, loving, peaceful. Healthy. When I peer down the path of my life, that's what I see. Sometimes I am so afraid of the tangles of undergrowth, the thicketing bushes that line that path. I am afraid of falling off, of being pushed off, of entangling myself in their menacing pain. Sometimes fear of being ensnared makes me want to freeze in my tracks. If I hold very, very still, maybe I'll be safe always.

But life doesn't work like that. The path must be walked. And determination, persistence and hope are always at my back, urging me forward.

So.

I'm actively releasing my negative past. My limitations. the boundaries that crop up within my mind. I'm using work, and will, and all my inherent magical intentions.

I thought long and hard about giving up this blog, making it a part of the past I wiped away over the next year. But I love this blog. It is a part of me and captures so much of where I've been. I'm the kind to honor the past, to keep it and cherish it, even while letting it go. And it is not easy to let go of something that is a deep part of you. But I'm not the type for just erasing things to wipe them clean, so I continue to come to terms, to integrate, to synthesize and to embrace the new.

You know what's great? Freedom. Freedom is great. I enjoy it very much, even right at this moment, with beauty all around me.

Yeah, I'm sort of rambling. It's been a while since I've written much on my own terms. One thing I love about this blog is using it like a diary. I look back to see how I felt a year ago, two years ago. I use the past to project the future. Looks like in December I'll be doing a lot of shopping and Christmas prep, and in January, I'll regroup and surge ahead.

From last January:

I cannot get past the idea that life means persistence,
and persistence means hope,
and that hope means something yet to come,
something else worth waiting for,
while not only waiting.