Feeling a bit fragmented lately.
I'm not sure that everything around me -- all this life I'm living -- is the life I'm meant to be living. I'm not sure that it is quite the life I intend.
Although I am content with the various aspects of my life, yet, I feel like I am missing something. Something I want to be doing. Something that I am putting off as I grapple each day with the many demands of each hour. Something that I should not put off indefinitely as time keeps passing and bringing with it increased age.
My life feels a bit off center because it is fragmented. My life is fragmented because my days are fragmented. Divided up, literally, into chunks of hours with certain responsibilities assigned to each. With not quite enough chunks right now for the things that I want to explore.
A big part of it is being forced into caretaking that I was not ready to take on. With my Dad so ill, and my Mom struggling so in caring for him, I have had to step forward and accept the role of helping them both. Even though I feel inadequate to do it, what I do accomplish still helps a great deal. We have made huge strides in coping and in improving their lives in the last year. It does feel like a burden of care though.
So... I'm back to writing a bit. Trying to find the center of my core.
That sort of thing.