Friday, July 12, 2013

Here and Now

A few years ago, we were attending church faithfully. The pastor invited me to study more closely with him, in weekly sessions.

We met in his nice conference room, green walled with a big window and blond oval table. "I want to know more about Marie," he explained with a warm smile. "I'm curious. What do you think about all day?"

My answer was blunt. "Surviving. I think about surviving."

The harsh truth of that surprised even me. I hadn't realized before that moment just how much energy I devoted each day merely to making the day work, to making it through safely, to keeping my life as I knew it continuing.

Now years later, I realize something new. I am no longer surviving. No longer do I spend time or energy on just getting by. Over the years, protective habits and philosophies have become so ingrained that they are automatic, operating smoothly to keep life humming along.

Instead of just surviving, I am thriving.

Instead of anxiety, I feel joy, contentment, ambition, desire. I celebrate my past and I look forward to my future.

Wow. What a good feeling!

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