Catching Up with the Last Week

I feel badly when I don't blog regularly. Like I'm letting you all down, especially M, my most faithful reader with whom I shared a delightful, chatty lunch yesterday!

Yoga is awesome. I have teacher training again this weekend. I teach my parents again tomorrow. I worked up a nice sequence for them, focusing on spinal strength and flexibility in a gentle way. When I get some free time (hah!) I'll start posting my sequences either here or on Yoga Journal so you can check them out and maybe use them. :)

I also created a brief anti-Anxiety sequence that I'll post here ASAP.

My family life continues to flourish. Spring is here, and there's a warm and hopeful glow to all of our activities. The wrap up of the school year has its own rhythm and rewards.

This weekend, we had a fabulous time in LA and Santa Monica, attending the ever-awesome Festival of Books at UCLA. More to come about my experiences with authors there.

My work is getting better by the week. Not only am I continuing to increase my skills, but my business is growing through word of mouth. I am so excited and gratified to have such meaningful, flexible, professional work with words.

Finally, like this isn't enough for anyone, I am seriously considering becoming a live kidney donor to an acquaintance who is rapidly becoming a friend. Life stepped forward and matched us up. I just came back from four hours at the hospital, leaving behind 16 vials of my blood to be checked for every disease and health issue imaginable. Four of those ruby-red beauties will be combined with my friend's blood in a tissue-typing test. If her cells don't reject mine, we're good to move forward towards the surgical event!!!

I feel so amazingly good about this and positive. She is an amazing person and I would be so honored to give her a chance for kidney function and restored health. Please everybody pray that our tissues match!!!! The results will be back by next week.

Below are notes that I wrote while waiting for my turn at the blood draw:

Wednesday, April 30, 2009
11:16 am

Traffic clogged the freeway but eventually I arrived. A cluster of unhealthy looking people, mostly older, sat in the grey vinyl chairs. R the receptionist, her black hair curled and spilling over her shoulder, was in front of the counter, greeting them with friendliness and making sure that everybody was in the right place. One older man was there only to visit, stopping by for a chat and friendly smiles before heading on to wherever in the hospital his appointment of the day waited. I wondered about him. Were his kidneys failing? Did he have diabetes?

R handed me some paperwork, asking me to fill out the form myself. I still hesitated at the SSN spot, finally choosing only to provide the last four digits. My later glimpse of K’s SSN on one of my forms confirmed this caution. Good thing I’m trustworthy. R strapped the orange plastic bracelet around my right wrist. Just like that I had a new identity. I became a patient, a receiver of services, a clog in the industrial hospital machine.

L, my friendly blonde social worker, needed to talk to me. In her small office, more paperwork waited. An informed consent form of six pages for me to sign. L was hesitant about my acceptance, encouraging me to read very carefully while still assuring me that I wasn’t committing to anything irrevocable. I could tell I’m a bit of a puzzle to her, bright and friendly, informed but still almost blithe in waving away the risks and concerns that she raises.

She brought up some good considerations. L pointed out that after donation some people have trouble getting health insurance. The surgery and having only one kidney can be seen as a “pre-existing condition.” That gives me more pause than the physical risks. At a physical level, I’m confident that this is a safe and manageable procedure. I’m fairly healthy and believe I will remain that way. It’s the bureaucratic and psychological implications of the surgery that dissuade me.

It’s impossible to predict what the future implications or results of this operation might be. I could develop diabetes. I could suffer from physical complications. I could wish that I had my kidney for other purposes – to keep my health insurance, to preserve my own health, to donate to someone else, maybe someone I love more than this casual acquaintance. But I firmly believe that life involves unknown risks. You move forward with Faith and cope with what comes. God knows I’ve already coped with quite a few challenges; surely I will be able to handle whatever arises.

My biggest fear is probably rejection at some level. Interesting huh? The lengths to which I go to feel accepted. On the other hand, this process of giving and receiving, of offering and being accepted is probably one of the most psychologically healthy and even physically healing things I could do.

After waiting at the window to make sure my orange folder of Orders is taken in by a real person, I set up my portable office. I don’t enjoy waiting, but with my laptop I’m happy as a lark writing down my observations and continuing my grants. Really, I’d be writing at home, all alone, so at least this set-up has the benefit of adult companionship. It’s like a coffee shop, except I’m kneeling on the floor and there’s no frothy beverage. There is however daytime tv, the voices of the talk show hosts earnestly and stridently drifting across the room and the dazed and bored occupants.

Teaching Yoga

I taught my third yoga class to my parents this week. It's going surprisingly well. They are really open to instruction, and the improvement in my Dad's strength, flexibility and posture is already noticeable.

The teaching has sort of swept over me. Even though it's just my kitchen, the room where I spend most of my days, I still try to make it studio-like. I play music, light candles and burn incense. My soothing but confident instructions surprise me. It's not even like interacting with my parents. They are the students and I am the teacher, and that's our dynamic during class. A weird role reversal, but it totally works for the hour and a half.

As I pop up to change the CD, modify a pose to fit their abilities, or make a gentle adjustment to one of their asanas, I realize something that I should have known: I can totally do this teaching stuff. I'm made for it.

I guess I'm glad to be back at it. I think I see an actual class of Adapted Yoga for Beginners approaching me at breakneck speed. I already have about 10 interested potential students with varying degrees of disability.

Nothing like starting out with the challenges.

You Know You're a Mom When...

You're walking out of the family room with your daughter's cast aside sweatshirt when you notice that the mantel is shockingly dusty. So you dust it with the balled up shirt. I mean, Heck, you had to wash it anyway.



(You know you're a writer when your house is shockingly dusty but you make time to look "mantel" up in the dictionary, because God forbid you spell a word wrong!)

I Wish I Had a Million Dollars...

"Gray day. Everything is gray. I blink, but nothing moves today."

This line from one of my favorite Dr. Seuss books spins around in my head as I walk through the overcast morning. I've been sitting at my computer for a stretch, dutifully and enjoyably working, but I had to get out for a bit. Get some fresh, cool air. Stretch my legs.

Otherwise, I am just sitting, sitting, sitting. And, let's face it, my house is very quiet... and a bit lonely.

I like walking because my mind relaxes and new thoughts come up. It's good exercise and it's good thinking.

Today I find myself worrying about my friends. Seems like I know so many people who are struggling just a bit too much right now. "I wish I had a million dollars," I think, imagining the wonderous good it could do for those folks.

If I had a million dollars, I wouldn't change much in my own life. Sure, I'd paint the house and upgrade our 16 year old car. It would be nice to take a vacation that actually involved an airplane and a stay of more than two nights. But, all in all, I see that the life I lead is already luxurious. In many ways, I am already just about as rich as I need to be for optimal comfort.

No, what I would do if I had an obscene amount of cash is share it. Now, honestly, it would take more than a million, because a million's just not what it used to be.

Still, though, if I win the lottery or some other incredible twist of fate, I would love to give you a hand, a boost. A lovely little gift that lets you feel stable. Just a little help from somewhere in life. I wish I could help my friends in need and some of these amazing nonprofit causes too.

If my friend had the rent she could take her kids and finally leave her jerk of a husband. My other friend is struggling under the weight of credit cards. My blog friends need house repairs. There are so many of us, all trying the best we know how. So many stories and worthy needs I can think of just off the top of my head.

Who knows? Maybe someday...

We can all dream.

BlogChemistry

There are so many of us
did you ever notice
that there are so
many of us

buzzing about like atoms
vibrating with our sense of self
and other and work and
our striving for
success, money, fame, art

bumping up against the other until
bonds, thin but sticky
fine as spun glass or
hot candy stretch between

like clumped up popcorn balls that
you made for childhood Halloweens

or like molecules
join into a forming substance

there are so many

Free Write

It’s no wonder I can’t work. My words have been frozen inside me for so long. Each bit measured and weighed before being released into the world to roam. Always worried about success, always worried about representation.

Wanting to spill the words forth and down, cascading onto the page and out, out, out of me. Like the working writers I know. Making writing my work and letting myself be nourished as I go. Along.

Wanting to work and drift at the same time. Wanting the easy answer, any answer. To be at peace with my self, at peace with life and not to be fight, fight, fighting against every moment and every emotion and every subtle change of pace that I can come up with.

Hungry but not wanting to stop for food. Good with my writing. Better than R, who will submit himself with bluff and bravado, but who desperately needs to bring in an income while I am okay with what I have and trusting in God that there will always be another chance.

Maybe just let him go on his way and help him as he goes. If his writing gets good, my prices will still be the lowest of them all. Not very competitive, me. At least not competitive on that level. Not out there trying to build more business when really I am quite content with the obligations that I have.

Maybe set up my own business interests. Create a name. Business cards. Draft a letter to mail. I don’t know if a bulk mailing is the best way to go. But it’s aggressive and it’s confident and the universe repays effort, I know.

Okay, here’s something at least. A crumb of what may come for me if I simply sit and write each day in the way that I know how to do…

The Universe of Blogs

Here's a lovely poem for today - mysterious, slightly melancholy, perfect for what I don't know to say.

Find more of poet David McKelvie's work at his blog stars sliding. Thanks to green ink for pointing him out!!

Lunar Self-Portrait

The Moon drew herself
in charcoal -- soft now,
smudged horizons,
took care to shade
her darkside, her lightside
shone in paper, thin,
removed from printer
and rippable by wind
and breeze and breath
alone -- quite believable
as cheap, as tattered.

The Moon drew herself,
revealed in portrait
her craters, mountains,
canyons present
in impressionistic
implications and swirls
of black and smear
on white and dirtied.

The Moon drew herself --
her audience halved
to those who laughed
a biting snigger
and those who looked
one second longer.

Prayer Process

Lokah Samastha Sokhino Bhavanthu

May all beings find happiness.

********
My sincere wish for all.

Up and Down

A crazy week for me. Ups and downs that feel like a roller coaster. My stomach flies into my throat and sticks there - it's hard to catch my breath.

Even as I struggle to keep up, struggle to let go, I have the sense that this is all part of the process. This is the way the ride goes. Each ascent, each drop is also carrying me forward, forward to the future that I want to go to.

So I ride.

Even try to work up the courage to throw my hands up in the air and scream out the exhilaration of being alive.

Off to Yoga

It was a rough night. I had nightmares and then I couldn't sleep for hours. Everybody's back in school today. I'm taking a break from my writing workload to go to yoga class. Proper class. Not teacher training, not home practice, not me teaching, but laying out my mat and following somebody's instructions.

I need a little something for me!

My First Time as a Yoga Teacher

My Yoga teacher training program could not be going better. I love the other students; I love what we're learning. Our assignment last month was to write the plan for a beginner level class. I included it below in case you're interested. If you feel like a beginner, you could certainly try some of these poses to open your back and legs where we all get tight from sitting.

What made this so fun is that I actually taught my plan to my parents. I've decided to just bite the bullet and start out by teaching them every week. While beginners sound like they would be easy, they're actually pretty tough to teach. They tend to be more disassociated from their bodies. They don't know the poses and may have trouble following directions. They often have physical ailments that require adaptation so they don't get hurt. Whew.

In contrast, the other teachers in my program are a breeze to teach. They're fit, they're flexible, they know their stuff and they know their limits.

Still though I had a great time with my parents. I hope the our weekly sessions will be helpful for their fitness and my learning!!

*****

Beginner’s Yoga Class - Taught on Friday, April 10, 2009

I. Underlying Awareness
A. Physical
1. Opening Posture: Seated
2. Physical Sequence: Seated, Standing, Back, Seated

B. Levels of Being
1. Physical – Focus on tight hamstrings and lower back
2. Emotional – Relaxing and letting go into poses, Easing away from pushing too hard, Acceptance of self
3. Mind – turning inward to pay attention, focus on breath
4. Spirit – (some) Attention to play of energy, begin and end with OM

C. Energetic Structuring – Sensitizing

II. Sequence of Poses
(Physical instructions are in normal font; prompts to move into other levels of being are in italics. Comments in brackets show modifications I made during actual instruction of 2 beginners. I taught this class to my parents. My mom is pretty flexible. My dad has major issues with his back, posture, and spine.)

1. Sukhasana (Easy Pose) and OM
- (Greetings and welcome). Let’s start in Sukhasana. Come to an easy seated pose on your mat or blanket. Let your legs cross, your feet a bit flexed. Align your feet below your shins and settle down into your sitting bones. Feel your spine elongate and your shoulders relax away from your ears. Breathe.
[I had to set my dad up on 3 blankets to help his lower back.]

- Let’s do three Om’s together.
- With an exhale, let your chin drop down to your chest. Inhale and lift the face looking forward. (Repeat).
- Let’s loosen up our shoulders. Bring your elbows close to your ribs, forearms parallel to the ground. [Here my dad complained that he was in pain. We moved him up into a chair where he could relax and started over.] Feel your chest relax and open, and your shoulders relax away from your ears. With an inhale, use your shoulders to draw your arms forward and up to your ears. With your exhale, draw your elbows to the back of the room and then back against your opened ribs. (Continue these circles with breath, then reverse.)

2. Parsva Sukhasana – Seated Twist
- Let’s do a nice twist, giving our internal organs a gentle massage. Anchor your sitting bones back to your mat. [or chair. Dad stayed in his chair.] With an exhale, rotate your belly to the left, without lifting your sitting bones. Drop your right hand to your left knee, and let your left hand drop behind your back to the floor. Use the tips of your fingers to draw your belly around to the left as you relax. Now, open your chest and let your shoulders relax back and down away from your ears. Breathe. Feel your spine twisting and lengthening. The crown of your head moves toward the ceiling floating right over your tailbone in one long line. Feel how the breath moves your body, filling you like a balloon. On the inhale, you expand in all directions. On the exhale, you relax a little deeper into the twist. You don’t have to push or struggle. Let the inhale make some space and let the exhale take you into that new space, very gently. Exhale and relax back to front.
(Repeat on other side. Then do each side again.)

3. Cat/Cow
- Come to all fours. Kneel with knees below hips, hands and wrists below shoulders like a nice stable table. On an Inhale, look forward and up. Lift your face with the breath. Let your belly relax and drop toward the floor, filling with air. Lift your tailbone high toward the ceiling.
- Now exhale and reverse the position of the spine. Tuck your face under, chin to chest and curl your tailbone under as you arch your spine just like a frightened cat. (Repeat).
- Really feel the flow of breath. Let the inhale carry your face and heart, the exhale lift your spine up. Feel that wonderful balloon of your body filling and releasing. Don’t worry too much about moving your external body. Instead just feel that sense of internal motion, and that flow of energy.

5. Child’s Pose
-Okay, let’s ease back into Child’s Pose. Keeping your hands where they are, push back and push your buttocks towards your heels. Let your shins and feet be relaxed against the mat. Relax your spine and let your heart drop toward the mat, your face drop toward the mat. [I tucked blankets below Mom and Dad’s knees and had Dad lean forward onto his forearms folded on the seat of his chair. After a few moments, he moved the chair and did this pose with hands on the ground.]
-Just breathe and relax. Feel the breath move.

[My original plan called for Triangle and Warrior I here. This is when I made a major teaching modification and decided to just focus on good, balanced standing. Otherwise, it was going to be too much for one hour. Lunge and Downward-facing Dog also got cut. In different lessons, we can focus on adapting these poses.]

6. Tadasana
-Bring yourself to standing. Align in Mountain Pose. Bring your feet as close together as you can. [Dad explained that Christie told him to keep his feet apart. I confirmed that then he was getting a better leg rotation and freeing his back. “Perfect,” I said, “do it just like Christie told you.”] Feel your soles spread apart, your toes wide and anchor yourself against the mat. Let your heels ground down and the bones of your legs lift you tall as they push against the backs of your legs. Firm your knees. Rotate your inner thighs inward and toward the rear of the room. Feel that wonderful space across your lower back. Now activate your belly to lift and open your ribs. Your heart opens. Your shoulders drop down from your ears.
Feel the balance and extension from your feet to the crown of your head.
[For some reason, Dad was pushing his hands out behind his back, tensing his shoulders and chest like a Locust pose. “Just let your hands drop to your sides,” I said. He dropped them a bit further back. “Are those your sides?” I asked. I showed him where his hands were and then modeled hanging mine by my sides. We had to practice it a few times before he could sort of feel it. “Do you feel that tension when you push your arms back?” I asked. “No,” he said. He dropped his hands and shoulders. “Great!” I commented. “That’s relaxed. How does that feel?” “It doesn’t feel like anything,” he said, perplexed. “Okay,” I said, “When you don’t feel it, then you’re relaxed. Let yourself be relaxed.” I gave Mom a little physical adjustment on her shoulders to enhance her feeling of that after waiting through this.]

7. Samasthiti
-Keep all that extension and bring your hands together, palms gently touching and press them right into the heart. Breathe.

8. Uttanasana – Hanging Forward Bend
- Breathe and center yourself above your feet. Let yourself pour forward with an exhale, melting down toward the floor. Keep your knees bent and your hands dropped down toward the floor. Feel the energy pouring from your sacrum, down your inverted spine. [I had Dad lean forward onto his chair, and keep his knees strongly bent because of his tight hamstrings. His spinal issues are very accentuated in this pose. Mom could go all the way to the ground. I just prompted her not to hyperextend her knees.]
-Your head is heavy, your face relaxed, your neck is loose and relaxed. Warm energy like golden honey drips from the back of your head onto the floor. Breathe. Feel the expansion of the inhale and the lengthening of the exhale as you become softer and more relaxed. (Hold and breathe.)

9. Samasthiti
-Roll yourself up slowly and come back to Samasthiti – Standing Prayer Pose. Rebalance.

10. Knees to Chest Pose
Come lying comfortably on your back. Lie for a moment in Corpse Pose, just relaxing. How are you feeling? [Dad can’t lie comfortably on his back, the curve of his spine is too strong. So I was tucking a blanket beneath his head and his tailbone. While I was doing this, Mom looked at us and said, “Look at his chin. His chin is up too much.” I had noticed that but was planning to gently correct it. The teacher part of me came out. I said, “Mom, you just have to be on your OWN mat. This is your chance to be with yourself. Yoga is about union, the union of mind and body. Don’t worry about him, just enjoy your union. You know people practice yoga to bring themselves into union with four big things – union with energy; union with conscious mind, that mind-body connection; union with NOW, the present moment; or union with the Divine, which people call by all kinds of names. What is YOUR yoga practice about? What do you feel union with? Think about that for just a few moments while you stay in Corpse Pose.” This pose was letting their chest and back muscles relax and open to the floor, especially Dad.]

11. Knees to Chest Pose
- Now bend up your knees and pull them gently toward your chest. Relax your neck and shoulders and breathe. On the Inhale, fill with air. On the Exhale, pull them a bit closer.
- Good. Now on the Exhale, engage your abdominal muscles and lift your face towards your knees. Squeeze up into a little ball. Inhale and relax. Exhale and do it again.

12. Setu Bandhasana- Bridge
- Now let’s do a Bridge Pose. Drop your feet back to the mat, hip width apart. Bring your hands, palms down alongside your body. Now on your inhale, lift your hips up in the air and on the exhale lower them down. (Repeat for several breaths.)
- Now let’s support that. Lift your hips as high as you can and I’ll slip a block beneath your tailbone. [Dad had the lowest block setting, Mom’s was middle.] Hold for five breaths. Feel the breath, feel the opening.

13. Knees to Chest Pose
Okay, slip out that block and come back to knees to chest pose. This is a counter pose so feel how this is different from what we just did.

14. Wiggles
Okay, lift your legs straight up into the air. Spend some time pointing and flexing your feet. How far apart can you spread your toes. Rotate your ankles around in gentle circles. Now, lift your arms straight up from your shoulders. Wiggle your legs and arms. Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle. Now just your legs. Now just your arms. Wiggling.

15. Hamstrings
Okay, bring your feet back to the ground, knees bent. Mom, make a circle of your fingers and thumb on your left hand. Catch hold of your left big toe and slowly straighten that leg, stretching your hamstring. Breathe.
Dad, lift your leg toward the ceiling. Relax your back, shoulders, and neck. Now, I’ll stand right behind your leg and push into me. Breathe.
(Repeat on other side)
[I had Dad rest in Corpse Pose while I gave Mom the physical adjustment of pushing each leg into me.]

16. Knees to Chest
Repeat. How do your legs feel? Are they different from before?

17. Dandasana – Staff Pose
- Next we’ll do Staff Pose. Come rolling onto your right side. Now use your hands to walk yourself up to sitting. [Dad did the weirdest thing here where he pushed with his hands and then torqued across his back to rotate forward while he was still reclined. “Okay, hold on. That wasn’t good.” I said. “Dad, watch. Use your hands. Your HANDS. These are hands. Watch me. Push with your hands and arms. Don’t make your back do that work. Okay, let’s try that again. Lay down.” He still twisted halfway up. So I got up and stood behind him with my leg braced against his back so that he couldn’t move out of the sideways plane. That forced him to feel his arms pushing him up. After two more repetitions, he had it.]

- Okay. Sit on your blanket. Let your legs come straight out in front of you, flowing in one long line away from the pelvis. Feel your sitting bones firmly on the floor. Now flex your feet and activate your knees. Legs turn slightly in toward each other as you feel your thigh muscles engage. Push slightly more through the inner edges of the feet as if you were standing on them. Bring your hands slightly behind you. [Like me, my mom has short arms compared to her torso. I put a folded blanket on each side of her for her to push into.] Push down with your fingertips as you roll your shoulder blades back and together across your back, opening up the chest. Inhale and your heart lifts. Exhale and feel the energy. Inhale, heart lifts. (Hold for a few breaths.)
- Relax your hands, but hold that upright structure. Keeping the straightness in your spine, let your hands come onto your thighs. Gently use your hands to pull yourself forward in one long, straight line of energy. Crown of head moves towards the front wall. Inhale and lengthen, Exhale and feel slight movement forward. (Hold for breaths.)
- Let yourself really feel the pose. Pay attention to how you feel. Are you pushing? Is it uncomfortable? What do you do with discomfort? (Pause) Let yourself edge back from the discomfort and simply be here in the pose.
-Now relax all of that forward. Let yourself melt, arms to the ground, head toward knees or feet, spine curved and relaxed. No pushing, no effort. Just melting with the breath.
[What I noticed here is that Dad was able to sit on his sit bones and extend his legs with them almost to the floor. At the start of class, that was painful for him.]

18. Baddha Konasana – Butterfly
-Bring the soles of your feet together and sit upright. Open your chest and breathe. Slowly tip yourself forward, keeping that extension. Dad, you’re not going to move a lot but just feel that extension. Mom, try this. Bring your thumbs into the soles of your feet and open your feet like a book. Feel your pelvis relax. [I gave both of them a little adjustment of shoulders back and chest pushing forward.]

19. Savasana – Corpse Pose
- Come lying flat on your back. Let your legs fall apart and your arms be flat on the mat, palms up. There’s space in your armpits and your hands are open and relaxed. Feel your shoulders roll down and into the mat. Feel your thighs relax. Your belly lift with breaths. Your heart is open, your throat is calm. Your face melts back against your skull, tension-free. There’s space between your teeth and the roof of your mouth expands and relaxes as you lie here and breathe.
-Again, think about all the ways to have union through yoga. What are you feeling union with?

[Here’s the funny end of this class. I put the soundtrack from the movie Across the Universe on to play that song, very nice and relaxing. Then my neighbor knocked on the door. I stepped outside to answer his question. When I stepped back in the CD had advanced to the next track – Helter Skelter! So much for a nice relaxing atmosphere!! Ah, the things you learn by teaching!]

20. Closing
- Bring yourself into your body. Roll to the right and support yourself up to sitting like we practiced. Sit cross-legged with your hands on your knees or in prayer position and we’ll end with three OMs.

“May we be healed.

May we be a source of healing to all beings.

May we awaken to the light of our true natures.

Namaste.”

Walk

The loose German Shepard doesn't attack me as I walk past his yard. I continue on, whole, healthy, intact, and grateful for blessings I wasn't aware of just one moment before.

Noticing

When I touch the cactus, it is calm and welcoming to my fingertip.

******
As I walk past, the purple irises whisper of death; the yellow irises bloom with hope. Everything balances.

Geraniums

the shock of red blooms flushes me with their joy for living

Time Gushes By

Whoops! Been much too long without a post. I had a blog-dissuading combo of an incredibly sluggish computer and lots of activites filling each day, plus several writing assignments. Everything's good though. In fact, most things are GREAT! Hope the same for you.
********

On my morning walk, I pick up a perfect brown feather with down like a warm kiss. A miracle of art and structure in my hand.

Just Do It

Feminist critic Judith Butler says, "Gender is performative." That's one of my favorite quotes. It deepens the more you think about it.

I would say that lots of things are performative. Happiness, for one. Also writing.

After a tumultuous couple of months, I just enjoyed the best Spring Break ever with my family. We went to three Science Museums, the beach, Palm Springs, Los Angeles and our beloved San Diego. I don't know if I can express the contentment I experienced lying in the white bed of our little inn, looking past the white ruffled curtains at the streaming early sunshine and listening to the sounds of traffic from the street below. Knowing that in a few minutes I would be strolling with my family to a cafe to get fresh baked bread and a steaming mocha. Everything in my life seems to be falling into place in such a happy, fulfilling way.

Because happiness is performative.