*Terresa over at The Chocolate Chip Waffle wrote about "the mean reds" a few days ago. Made me remember reading Breakfast at Tiffany's last year and enjoying the book's ambiguities and melancholy ever so much more than the movie, which I also actually like quite a bit.
But the movie is glitz and glamour, a bit more madcap than serious, whereas the characters in the book are quite lost, wandering around in a haze of self-survival. They're selfish, flawed bastards.
That's the way I'm feeling lately - like people are selfish, flawed bastards. Like everybody is mostly out for themselves and nobody cares as much about anything else as they do their own getting ahead.
The Mean Reds.
This is unlike me. I am quite the lover of people in all of their wonderful, flawed, brilliant, quirky, contradictory complexity. I like to hang out around people, I like to watch people, I like to talk to people, I like to help people. Usually, if it's people-based, I'm in.
But sometimes I get lonely and scared and then I become very, very bitter. Like what is the point?
Sometimes I feel like I am pouring more into other people, particularly relative strangers, than I am getting in return.
Squiggly. Small-minded. Fearful. I'm like a grubby grey worm writhing about on the sidewalk, completely cut off from the bigger picture.
When I'm in this mood, I know I'm cut off. I know it's not what I really believe. But, there you are. I'm in a grumpy, whiny, self-pitying, look at me and do something to make me feel better, kind of mood.
Sigh. I probably should do some yoga or go shopping for some kind of chocolate and/or silk scarves.
What do you do when you feel full of venomous bile?
[*In case you care, I must credit the photo of the grey worm to wildlife@cockham.com. Apparently the grey worm is an actual species, along with 12 others in that area of the UK. Perhaps my Brit readers in that area will find some while going about their days.]
7 comments:
I very much understand what you mean. Kudos to you for recognizing it for what it is!
When I am feeling that way (I consider it a "purple funk", funny that we both use colors), I just know to be extremely gentle with myself. Yoga, lots of introspection, snuggling with my dogs, and sleep is what restores me. : )
Ohhhh... Feel better!
I usually go for a veggie burger at Lucille's. Best. Veggie. Burger. Ever.
Followed by warm chocolate chip cookies and silk scarves (or purses... dresses... shoes... ;)
Hi Jamie!
I love your blog, and cannot thank you enough for recommendation to Yogaglo. I think it will be just the thing for these kind of days!!
Hey Mich-
I almost called you up to meet for lunch or shopping. But most of my stress is that my job as writer is colliding with my job as mother and I really need to be two places at once, doing two entirely different things... so adding a third thing to the mix didn't seem like it would ease the schedule. Putting in some solid hours of writing/working will not take away the (legitimate and totally crappy) cause of my current anxiety and funk, but it will at least point me in a better direction!
Good working to you!
M
Call me ANY time for lunch. How crazy. I was totally thinking of calling you today, too! I'm so behind schedule that - hey, what's a lunch?! HA!
I hear you!
Hi Marie... I know the feeling you describe so well! I find it often coincides with PMS! coincidence or not, i don't know - But I try to console myself with knowing that it will pass in a few days. I try to do a yoga practice with inversions which often helps those blasted hormones or going for a lovely long walk and just notice my angry/irritable/resentful thoughts and try to acknowledge that they are separate from me, that they don't control me, and that I have the ability to let them go if I choose to (easier said than done!).
Have you read Eckhard Tolle's New Earth where he talks about the pain body? I found this extremely helpful in understanding my emotions.
take care of yourself
x
Thanks Kathleen-
I'm trying to do more yoga practice in general, as I find that it eases any suffering and opens me into a very peaceful place very quickly. That's why when I'm in my bad spots i usually just observe them and allow them to move along.
I will add inversions - I kind of think they're good for so many things!!
I haven't read Tolle, but I read a good bit of lovely Buddhist works and that always helps with perspective.
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