Both girls and I woke up groggy and achy today. Being dutiful, I got myself up and made all the meals and tried to wake everyone up in time for school. But they just weren't with it.
So I said forget it. I'm not in the mood for school either. If you feel half-sick, stay home and rest. Avoid that terrible (deadly) flu making the rounds. I don't even care right now about stupid grades and all that. I mean, they are smart girls so they learn no matter what we do.
So, we're home. Although I'm tired, I'm starting to feel slightly more cheerful. More hopeful. By the end of the night yesterday, I was wiped out exhausted. So tired I started crying with frustration. Then I stopped because it was too much work to cry. :)
So now I'm thinking about all this work that I put so much pressure onto myself about. I read some book review in the LA Times that made me think about writing. 150,000 words was cited as a goal length for a novel. Hmmm, I thought. Hmmm. Let's do a bit of math. Yeah. That's 500 words a day for 300 days. That's a novel in a year.
I write 500 words a day easy, just here. Now, I know a novel is VERY different. It has structural demands, plot, more to sustain -- all of that. But, still....
The ADD part of my brain is very intrigued. And you know what kind of novel I want to write. Nothing literary. Usually my writing is VERY literary. All symbolic and moody and just meaningful. But you know what I like to read? Engaging, well-written books about women like me. Books about easy events in life that can take my mind off of my own day for a bit. Books with relationships and mild drama, and food and friends and shopping. Shopaholic series books are my ideal fun reads.
I'm also still wanting to do the children's books. And maybe some freelance articles. And some nonprofit topic articles. Plus the grants. I'd like to do about 3 hours per day on grants. 1-2 hours on other writing. And then an active, completely different job. Something out in the world where I get to move around a lot and be a bit bossy and help others. Something that can segue into a full time position in three years when the girls hit high school. In time for me to be full-time employed before college payments begin.
Does that sound reasonable?
So I would have to plan my writing time, then mostly show up at the page. Designate one of those days a week for articles. Research job possibilities that I like. Keep building my steady grant business. Spend some time each week increasing my knowledge base there and making contacts. Maybe join some organizations and network a bit. Keep doing yoga three times per week. Keep doing mom stuff. And just blend it all together.
So... 5:30 - 6:30 am Writing
8:30 am - 11:30 am Grants
Noon - 4:00 pm Yoga and errands
4:00 - 6:00 pm Dinner and chores
6:00 - 8:00 pm Research, Networking, Business Building
Okay, that's the only schedule I come up with, over and over. It's dictated by the school day and my responsibilites. Maybe I could work two days per week, and extend the morning work schedule into Saturdays.
Goals -
Write 2 articles per month.
Write 2 children's stories per month.
Publish 5 children's stories within 3 years.
Write one novel per year.
Publish a novel within 4 years.
Write 5 grants per week/20 per month.
Earn base income.
Earn future income.
Find job in 2015. Work 25 years.
Save enough money to pay for two college educations in total.
Pay off house within 10 years.
Save for retirement.
Thursday, January 31, 2013
The Unexpected Knock
Yesterday got better as it went on. I calmed down enough to write a decent email. I met a good friend for coffee. Even though we have only seen each other a few times in the last two years, we always feel close. We bonded during tough times in both our lives, and it's a lovely, robust friendship that we both enjoy. I picked up the girls and got them snacks. I did some laundry and called my parents to confirm our dinner plans. Then I dutifully got right to work.
There I was, at my screen, moving back and forth between several projects for different clients and trying to at least get some smaller tasks done in the few hours before I had to produce dinner when it happened.
A knock at the door.
A firm knock. Unexpected. I peered outside and saw a young teen. I thought she was selling something - we get that. But when I opened it, it was one of J's friends. Apparently, her cell phone has been missing since the sleepover. Her mother had driven her over - without even calling first - with orders that she was to search and find it.
Ookkaayy... uh.... come in?
I couldn't say no. I mean a missing cell phone represents hundreds of dollars. And this is the last place she saw it. And J had mentioned it to me once or twice, but I thought she had looked in her room already. And that maybe her friend had already found it. So on one hand, I felt pretty terrible that it had already been 11 days and we hadn't looked for it very well.
On the other hand, it was completely inconvenient. Good manners dictated that I invite her mother in to help look. I mean, I couldn't really leave her in the car. We're not close friends, and have only met a few times, so I'm sure she felt pretty awkward too.
And then we started searching the entire house. Lifting couch cushions. Moving furniture. Peering into corners. I was forced to see all the areas where I've kind of been glossing past the deep cleaning, out of time constraints. At least the house was basically tidy. Thank God, there's nothing here that we're trying to hide!!
J's room is 14 year old extreme. You couldn't even see the floor. I had to take armfuls of clothing and general clutter out and into my room so that we could thoroughly search. I even had to strip down her bed and completely take it apart to check behind, around, and between the layers. The OCD part of my brain was freaking out. The whatever-part-of-her-brain that makes J feel safe with all her stuff right around her was freaking out. It took almost an hour and a half of searching. I got no work done. I didn't get dinner ready.
By the time, my parents arrived we were all in terrible moods, and J and I were sick of each other and actively squabbling. She told me I couldn't go back in her room. And I said that I wasn't in the mood and if she complained one more time, she didn't have to HAVE a room. I would throw all her stuff away, take over the room, and she could sleep in the family room. That's pretty drastic for me. Normally I'm Mr. Nice Guy, but she could tell from my tone I meant it.
It took another hour of cleaning to put her room back in order. NOT what I had planned for the evening.
Oh my God, do I try!!
At least her friend found her phone.
There I was, at my screen, moving back and forth between several projects for different clients and trying to at least get some smaller tasks done in the few hours before I had to produce dinner when it happened.
A knock at the door.
A firm knock. Unexpected. I peered outside and saw a young teen. I thought she was selling something - we get that. But when I opened it, it was one of J's friends. Apparently, her cell phone has been missing since the sleepover. Her mother had driven her over - without even calling first - with orders that she was to search and find it.
Ookkaayy... uh.... come in?
I couldn't say no. I mean a missing cell phone represents hundreds of dollars. And this is the last place she saw it. And J had mentioned it to me once or twice, but I thought she had looked in her room already. And that maybe her friend had already found it. So on one hand, I felt pretty terrible that it had already been 11 days and we hadn't looked for it very well.
On the other hand, it was completely inconvenient. Good manners dictated that I invite her mother in to help look. I mean, I couldn't really leave her in the car. We're not close friends, and have only met a few times, so I'm sure she felt pretty awkward too.
And then we started searching the entire house. Lifting couch cushions. Moving furniture. Peering into corners. I was forced to see all the areas where I've kind of been glossing past the deep cleaning, out of time constraints. At least the house was basically tidy. Thank God, there's nothing here that we're trying to hide!!
J's room is 14 year old extreme. You couldn't even see the floor. I had to take armfuls of clothing and general clutter out and into my room so that we could thoroughly search. I even had to strip down her bed and completely take it apart to check behind, around, and between the layers. The OCD part of my brain was freaking out. The whatever-part-of-her-brain that makes J feel safe with all her stuff right around her was freaking out. It took almost an hour and a half of searching. I got no work done. I didn't get dinner ready.
By the time, my parents arrived we were all in terrible moods, and J and I were sick of each other and actively squabbling. She told me I couldn't go back in her room. And I said that I wasn't in the mood and if she complained one more time, she didn't have to HAVE a room. I would throw all her stuff away, take over the room, and she could sleep in the family room. That's pretty drastic for me. Normally I'm Mr. Nice Guy, but she could tell from my tone I meant it.
It took another hour of cleaning to put her room back in order. NOT what I had planned for the evening.
Oh my God, do I try!!
At least her friend found her phone.
I Try, Oh My God, Do I Try
One of my older daughter's clever friends loves pop culture, and obscure comic stuff. Apparently she found a He-Man cartoon mash up with this song. So she walks around school, reeling it off at the slightest provocation. And now J has picked that up from her. So she does it at home. It's always funny since I can just picture her friend's overdramatic rendition.
Now I've doing it . Memes. They're everywhere!
This is exactly how I feel about school this week.
Now I've doing it . Memes. They're everywhere!
This is exactly how I feel about school this week.
Wednesday, January 30, 2013
It's nice. Right??
Okay, here's the email I finally drafted. Geez. School.
I am truly sitting here wondering if we could just drop out of school and learn from home. I don't know if that would work, logistically and interpersonally, but I do get SO tired of it and its neverending falderol!
*******
Mrs. H-
Sorry about this morning - I didn't want to disrupt classroom activities. We've just been struggling a bit to get B to eat a good breakfast before she heads off to school. I can wake her up on time, and provide a hot breakfast for her, but ultimately she has to eat it. Today, as often, she avoided it and then brought it in the car and then didn't eat.
I just feel that on a daily basis she needs to have at least some food in her stomach to prepare her for the activities and learning of the day. I know when she doesn't eat enough, she complains of being tired, and not concentrating at school, and she's in a worse mood. I would have preferred that she take a few bites without having to leave class, but if I needed to remove her to have her realize how important nutrition is to her health and learning, I am willing to do that.
We will continue to try to address this at home, as well as get her more sleep time. I'm really sorry that it worked out that she missed out on the opening activities - she was very worried about being behind.
Just wanted to fill you in, and thank you for your support.
I am truly sitting here wondering if we could just drop out of school and learn from home. I don't know if that would work, logistically and interpersonally, but I do get SO tired of it and its neverending falderol!
*******
Mrs. H-
Sorry about this morning - I didn't want to disrupt classroom activities. We've just been struggling a bit to get B to eat a good breakfast before she heads off to school. I can wake her up on time, and provide a hot breakfast for her, but ultimately she has to eat it. Today, as often, she avoided it and then brought it in the car and then didn't eat.
I just feel that on a daily basis she needs to have at least some food in her stomach to prepare her for the activities and learning of the day. I know when she doesn't eat enough, she complains of being tired, and not concentrating at school, and she's in a worse mood. I would have preferred that she take a few bites without having to leave class, but if I needed to remove her to have her realize how important nutrition is to her health and learning, I am willing to do that.
We will continue to try to address this at home, as well as get her more sleep time. I'm really sorry that it worked out that she missed out on the opening activities - she was very worried about being behind.
Just wanted to fill you in, and thank you for your support.
Ah... the Mornings... Land of Conflicts
I have a difficult relationship with our current school system. I really don't think it's working.
Had a little run in with my sixth-grader's teacher this morning. I'm thinking of emailing her, but I can tell that my tone is still too snippy. I'm still too frustrated and angry to be sincere.
Look, I know teaching is a hard job. I know that teachers are out there giving it their best and that they are up against a lot of daunting challenges day to day. But they just have so much power over our lives. More power than they realize, since the force of law is literally behind them, and since their judgments potentially have so much influence over any one child's future.
I just hate that. No institution should have that much power over an individual's life. So underneath the caring and the niceness and the good work of learning, that is the harsh fact that rubs me raw.
Basic problem is that B is tired in the morning. School starts too damn early. There's no viable reason why children need to be up and out and learning before 8:00 am. In my opinion, 10:00 am is much more reasonable. No matter how we try, it is impossible to get to bed in time for the ten or so hours of sleep that an adolescent requires.
So, in the morning, B won't eat. There's a hot breakfast sitting there, and she'll just pass it by. She's not hungry, and she's rushed. But, later, she is hungry. And then I'm sure she can't concentrate. I'm sure she gets headaches and hunger pangs. And not having the right energy at the right time can wreak havoc with her immune system, hormones, and mood. So it sets her off on a bad cycle, that perpetuates itself.
Today, I made her a poptart. Not the best food, but easy and appealing to eat. It was organic, at least, and chemical free. She refused to eat it at home, I brought it in the car, she didn't eat it there, I told her to take it with her and eat while she walked to class. She left it behind.
I parked the car, grabbed it, and followed her all the way to her classroom. Class was just starting. I told the teacher that she had been too tired to eat and asked if she could just eat very quickly right now. I mean, I just wanted her to take two or three bites. How long does that take? 15 seconds? a minute? Literally, one minute to create better health and learning. I asked if she could eat it there or if I had to take her home. And the teacher said, She can't eat in class. Just sticking to the rules without really evaluating the situation. Sort of horrified.
So, I took her out of class. And took her home.
B was mortified in front of all her classmates. She missed all the initial morning work and turning in assignments. She had to ride back home, pick up J, ride to J's school to drop her off, and ride back to school. I had to park again, walk her into the office, and clear her tardiness for a health-reason. Something that could have taken 30 seconds took 15 minutes.
But... she ate.
And I made my point about what really matters the most.
Had a little run in with my sixth-grader's teacher this morning. I'm thinking of emailing her, but I can tell that my tone is still too snippy. I'm still too frustrated and angry to be sincere.
Look, I know teaching is a hard job. I know that teachers are out there giving it their best and that they are up against a lot of daunting challenges day to day. But they just have so much power over our lives. More power than they realize, since the force of law is literally behind them, and since their judgments potentially have so much influence over any one child's future.
I just hate that. No institution should have that much power over an individual's life. So underneath the caring and the niceness and the good work of learning, that is the harsh fact that rubs me raw.
Basic problem is that B is tired in the morning. School starts too damn early. There's no viable reason why children need to be up and out and learning before 8:00 am. In my opinion, 10:00 am is much more reasonable. No matter how we try, it is impossible to get to bed in time for the ten or so hours of sleep that an adolescent requires.
So, in the morning, B won't eat. There's a hot breakfast sitting there, and she'll just pass it by. She's not hungry, and she's rushed. But, later, she is hungry. And then I'm sure she can't concentrate. I'm sure she gets headaches and hunger pangs. And not having the right energy at the right time can wreak havoc with her immune system, hormones, and mood. So it sets her off on a bad cycle, that perpetuates itself.
Today, I made her a poptart. Not the best food, but easy and appealing to eat. It was organic, at least, and chemical free. She refused to eat it at home, I brought it in the car, she didn't eat it there, I told her to take it with her and eat while she walked to class. She left it behind.
I parked the car, grabbed it, and followed her all the way to her classroom. Class was just starting. I told the teacher that she had been too tired to eat and asked if she could just eat very quickly right now. I mean, I just wanted her to take two or three bites. How long does that take? 15 seconds? a minute? Literally, one minute to create better health and learning. I asked if she could eat it there or if I had to take her home. And the teacher said, She can't eat in class. Just sticking to the rules without really evaluating the situation. Sort of horrified.
So, I took her out of class. And took her home.
B was mortified in front of all her classmates. She missed all the initial morning work and turning in assignments. She had to ride back home, pick up J, ride to J's school to drop her off, and ride back to school. I had to park again, walk her into the office, and clear her tardiness for a health-reason. Something that could have taken 30 seconds took 15 minutes.
But... she ate.
And I made my point about what really matters the most.
Tuesday, January 29, 2013
Working
Thank God.
It took hours and hours of searching, with cleverly defined parameters, but I have finally managed to find more than 100 likely funders for a client this year. That gives me about nine proposals or applications to prepare for them each month and should, hopefully, give me a secure base of work for them through 2013.
Cause that's my house payment right there!!
It took hours and hours of searching, with cleverly defined parameters, but I have finally managed to find more than 100 likely funders for a client this year. That gives me about nine proposals or applications to prepare for them each month and should, hopefully, give me a secure base of work for them through 2013.
Cause that's my house payment right there!!
Awards Assembly
Just put in my mandatory appearance at January's student of the month assembly to clap and beam as B got a medal for being one of the school's ten Science Fair winners.
Both of my closest school-mom friends were there; one's daughter was student of the month, the other won Science Fair along with B. In fact. all five of the fifth and sixth grade winners were girls, which was interesting.
Here's something I noticed: you really can't seat a bunch of elementary school-moms in folding chairs lined up right next to each other. We just don't fit. It made for a very close and supportive bunch of parents as we sat leg to leg, side to side, and shoulder to shoulder, having to coordinate our clapping.
In the parking lot, some of my favorite moms got a bit rowdy as we agreed on what a hassle science fair projects are in general, and how very little the teachers comprehend just how much work goes into them. The real creativity comes out in trying to find an idea that works and in trying to get the stupid experiment done right. One mom had us in stitches with her tale of pulling data off the internet, and then trying to speed-dehydrate fruit enough to take photos before the project was due. They only had a few hours so they used the oven, foil, heat lamps and even a hair dryer. That's the real spirit of Science, right there!
Both of my closest school-mom friends were there; one's daughter was student of the month, the other won Science Fair along with B. In fact. all five of the fifth and sixth grade winners were girls, which was interesting.
Here's something I noticed: you really can't seat a bunch of elementary school-moms in folding chairs lined up right next to each other. We just don't fit. It made for a very close and supportive bunch of parents as we sat leg to leg, side to side, and shoulder to shoulder, having to coordinate our clapping.
In the parking lot, some of my favorite moms got a bit rowdy as we agreed on what a hassle science fair projects are in general, and how very little the teachers comprehend just how much work goes into them. The real creativity comes out in trying to find an idea that works and in trying to get the stupid experiment done right. One mom had us in stitches with her tale of pulling data off the internet, and then trying to speed-dehydrate fruit enough to take photos before the project was due. They only had a few hours so they used the oven, foil, heat lamps and even a hair dryer. That's the real spirit of Science, right there!
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