Okay, I wrote out some of my feelings. I took a few deep breaths. I walked in the sun.
Things can be okay. Please, can things just be a bit calm and balanced?
I don't want to make any extreme decisions. I don't want to slam doors shut OR open them wide.
I don't want to give up my blog, or writing, or having this means of expression. I want to look forward to the next few weeks, to focusing again on work, to having ME time in a calm and contented way.
I get to be a yoga teacher this month. It's a realization that is just now creeping up on me as my other projects get finished up. Several teachers are taking vacation, and I am filling in for them. I'll be teaching three times a week throughout August.
I don't feel like a yoga teacher. I feel overweight and out of shape, a bit removed from myself. When my favorite studio went out of business, its absence was a wound that turned me away from a regular practice. It almost hurt too much to do yoga without my guru. But it hurts not to do it also. So I guess the Universe is nudging me back into it. And I've noticed that no matter how distant I feel, I am quite a good teacher. Students like my classes and my instructional style. I know my stuff well enough to put a good class together. Ahh, lesson planning. That I can do.