working

I don't have time to say much. I've been working, working, and working some more. I'm trying to get handfuls of proposals into the mail and get some money flowing in for my clients.

Finally finished the first proposal for a new client today. Now we're ready to send it out. It's kind of like submitting for publication, except the client actually gets a lot more money!

Portable Poetry

I found a fabulous book this weekend! Poem in Your Pocket is filled with poems printed on tear-out pages meant to be carried about with you during your day.

As I glanced through the pages, I loved every poem I flipped to.

Check it out here, and consider adding some poetry to your daily life.

Found This Weekend

The Fist
by Derek Walcott

The fist clenched round my heart
loosens a little, and I gasp
brightness; but it tightens
again. When have I ever not loved
the pain of love? But this has moved

past love to mania. This has the strong
clench of the madman, this is
gripping the ledge of unreason, before
plunging howling into the abyss.

Hold hard then, heart. This way at least you live.

Positive Thinking

Flush with my success in sending out a story and having it published, I've decided to continue the trend. It's pretty hard for people to decide to publish stuff that's just sitting on my computer. I have several decent pieces languishing, waiting for their shot at the limelight.

So out they'll go - spreading their wings and seeking new heights.

Since I cracked the college lit journal barrier, where else is there to go but up?

And I'm not just going up a bit. Nope. I've decided to shoot high. Fire a rocket to the literary moon. My next story "The Bones Beneath" is going straight to the New Yorker itself. Why not? What if, just what if, they actually published it? My goodness. Then I'd have to admit I was really, actually a... you know... a writer. Gee...

More likely, I'll get an awesome rejection letter from them. From the New Yorker! Writing to me!! And it can go up on my writing wall! My name, mentioned by the New Yorker. (dreamy sigh).

Reminds me of Garrison Keillor's comment: I'd been writing for the New Yorker since I was in high school. They just hadn't know it yet.

A sense of humor and fun is a definite plus in this adventure!

Noticing

Five blueberries rest in my palm
Their cool curves a sensitive caress

My thoughts touch on bodhisattva vows
How short I fall of perfection

"This is the Day"

I have the lyrics to this song posted on my writing wall. My eye fell on them while I was printing out a grant earlier.

Ah, grants. Despite my dedicated work pace of late, I cannot keep up. I currently have 36 proposals and letters that need to go out ASAP. That's right. THIRTY SIX!

I'm so glad to have the work, but it's discouraging to devote all the time I can to it, while still juggling all the mom/household stuff, and get farther and farther behind.

I asked three friends in a row to work with me as an assistant/colleague or partner. But they all declined in their own ways. Leaving me with a burgeoning workload and an increasingly intense schedule.

I've been up since 3 am already, trying to get caught up. Jarred awake by those "memories/ that hold your life together like/glue." Do you ever wake up and start thinking and then realize, Uh Oh, I'm on the wakeful track? Caught by certain memories that spool over and over in the mind, creating their own special stories, different each time. Like carefully constructed paper airplanes arching across the clear blue sky.

Credit Due

I skimmed back through my favs. The proverb came from Green Ink's blog, here. I even misquoted it a bit.

Alas.

Fiction?

Saw this on someone's blog yesterday - sorry I don't remember where:

All stories are true, and some even really happened.

Wonderful News

A few months ago, I submitted my first story - to a college literary journal. Guess what?? They're publishing it!!!!

I can't believe my luck. My very first submission!

It's a simple start, but who cares? I'm a published writer now. Published. Yeah, baby. I knew they'd go for all the artsy allusions I wove through the narrative.

I mean I must have beaten out handfuls of other submittors. True, I have roughly double the life experience that they do, thus more to draw from in my writing.

Still, I'm thrilled.

Next stop, The New Yorker.

Peaceful

I heard Hate Me by Blue October this weekend, and it reminded me how much I love the sound of this song, even if the lyrics are a bit over-intense.

I can't embed it here, but I'll offer the link so you can hear it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gOziJi-1hHE

A Great Line

If you grew up in the seventies, like me, maybe you were lucky enough to watch that great series The Incredible Hulk with Bill Bixby (so charming in "The Courtship of Eddie's Father") as mild-mannered Dr. David Banner.

Okay, maybe it wasn't that great. I remember a lot of chases, loud music, explosions and ridiculously ripped clothing. Still though it was fun to a nine year old.

Lately, I keep hearing that fabulous quote in my mind. Dr. David Banner, calm, going about his business, slightly tight-lipped, attempting to disregard the weasel-faced intrusions of the nemesis reporter, and warning him off : "Don't make me angry, Mr. McGee. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry."

Moving Forward

I've been in a bit of a snit lately. (Okay, that's a masterpiece of understatement. I've been struggling with full-blown depression, losing about every other day to either hiding in bed or wishing I was hiding in bed.) But I just can't keep it up any longer. There is just too much good and interesting stuff going on in the world for me to keep wasting my time on bad energy.

The more I look at it, the more I come to terms with the fact that there are some people you just can't count on. They may sound like friends; they may promise to care about you. But care is either there - evident in your life - or it's not. You can't do much to make somebody live up to their promises.

Ideally, you accept people for what they do offer, appreciate that, and distinguish between those worth a big investment of time and energy, and those not. And - this is the hard part for me- maybe some people you just write off as being bad people. Maybe not everybody is caring and redeemable. Maybe you just go, Huh. Sucks.

And then you stay away.

Because the world is FULL of good and loving people to spend your time with. Anybody who truly is a friend will seek you, support you, share their life with you, be warm and caring when you have a chance to talk. That's what I do with my friends. It seems to be a good standard to use.

Because of my past experiences with rejection, I have a very hard time accepting that someone would not want to be my friend. I can find myself in that monkey-mind place, whirling around in the desperation of trying to be better, friendlier, more supportive. Oh, why won't they like me? What can I do?

But, you know what? Maybe I don't really care that much. If I have to put in so much effort, maybe I should just stop. Maybe, instead of always trying to be a big person and come from a compassionate mind, I could just stay pissed off, hurt, angry, vengeful and snarky. Maybe I'm not the Buddha, and I don't have to become him right this moment today.

Then, maybe, just maybe, I can spend my energy enjoying the fabulous people I do love, focusing on the projects that make the world happier, and letting my anger be the rightful expression of emotion it should be, instead of bottling it within.

Because anyone who wouldn't realize how very worth the effort my friendship can be doesn't really understand what they're missing out on, and I'm better off without people around me who can't exhibit understanding.

Balancing

pain

When i sobbed

that there was

glass all over

you didnt even care

to ask

if i was hurt

(i was)

"Love of the truth puts you on the spot."

I'm reading a wonderful book: When Things Fall Apart by Pema Chodron. Lovely, calming, and ultimately reassuring, it is not at all dire as it may seem.

Here's a quote that made me smile.

"Chaos should be regarded as extremely good news."

- the Venerable Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche

Ah. If only we could remember that during the chaos... :)

(P.S. The post title is the motto of the Naropa Institute.)

Ten Asana Sequence to Decrease Anxiety

This practice is designed to give you a little break in your day. Just 10 minutes to relax and bring your awareness into the quietness within you that is always present and always calm. Inhale and exhale deeply but comfortably through your nose throughout each pose. If possible, be barefoot and wear loose, stretchy clothing.

Let this be playful, light, and calming.

1. Sukhasana - Seated Easy Pose

Sit comfortably Cross your legs. Let your hands rest on your thighs, palms up, torso lifted. Feel your length and stability.

2. Cat/Cow

Come to all fours. On the inhale, lift your face, sway your back, relax your tummy to the floor and lift your tail. On the exhale, curl your face towards your thighs and arch your back like a cat. Move back and forth with breath.

3. Balasana - Baby Pose

Kneel. Push your hips towards your heels. Let your chest and forehead fall to the floor. Rest your arms along your sides. Breathe deeply. This is extremely calming and helps lower elevated blood pressure.

4. Adho Mukha Svanasana- Downward Facing Dog

Plant your palms on the floor and push your bottom up toward the ceiling. Stretch from heels to hips and from crown of head to tailbone. Relax your shoulders and ears away from your neck. Relax your neck and head. Breathe.

5. Uttanasana - Hanging Forward Bend

Walk your hands back towards your feet. Bend your knees to make your hamstrings comfortable. Let your hands and arms hang limp. Each exhale lets you relax further.

6. Tadasana - Mountain

Place your feet next to each other big toes touching. Firm your thighs and knees, push your legbones into the backs of your legs. Lift yourself tall, drawing your tailbone in and your tummy in and up. Expand your ribs. Lift your heart. Level your chin. Let your arms hang straight down next to your legs. Breathe and feel your stability.

7. Baddha Konasana - Seated Bound Angle/Butterfly

Come sitting. Place the soles of your feet together. Cup your feet with your hands. Let your knees open to the sides. Feel the stretch and opening of your hips, a place where much tension and anxiety is stored.

8. Dandasana - Staff

Straighten your legs in front of you. Activate your feet. Place your palms or fingertips on the floor next to your hips. Push out through the soles of your feet while also straightening your spine and lengthening upward. Don't push too hard, just gently extend with breath. Let your shoulders be relaxed and rolled down away from ears. Draw your navel in.

9. Knees to Chest

Lay on your back. Bend your legs and pull your knees into your chest. Breathe. Contract your abs gently and feel your low back relax (and strengthen) with each exhale.

10. Setu Bandhasana- Bridge

Drop the soles of your feet to the floor, about 6 inches away from your butt, knees toward the ceiling. Bring your arms along your sides, palms down. On an inhale, peel your tailbone and spine away from the floor. Hold it and breathe, continuing to lift the hips and arch the back. Let your chin tuck toward your heart, your heart reach for your chin. This is a mild inversion and excellent stimulation for the thyroid and brain.

To Finish - Savasana - Corpse

Stretch out your legs and arms. Rest comfortably on your back with space between your legs and in your armpits. Feel the floor supporting you. Feel yourself sinking into trust and calm and relaxation with each exhale. The back of your heart, the back of your head and the roof of your mouth relax. The calm within you is here whenever you choose to come back to it.

Namaste