Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Smoke and Mirrors

Magic takes us in because we have an innate longing to believe. With a simple deck of cards, a good friend was able to dazzle a group of us. Only later did my husband point out to me that the deck was clearly specialized.

Once he said that, I knew the truth of it. I had seen it with my own eyes. But in my mind's desire to be amazed, I had not processed the simple fact of what I was actually seeing. In other words, my expectation overrode my actual perception.

How often do we do the same in our daily lives? How often do we interact with others or deal with a situation only to see exactly what we expected to see before we began? Why is it so hard for us to strip away the expectation and see only what is actually there in front of us?

I have a friend right now who is suffering greatly in love. She has one relationship with a man who could be, might be, hopes to be a great guy. And she has the possibility of something with a man who actually IS a great guy. And, listening to her, hearing her sincere confusion and pain, I wonder why it is so hard for her to see that her hopes for guy A are nothing but fantasies. Projections. Smoke and mirrors clouding her ability to clearly see that if the relationship hasn't progressed in three years, it's unlikely to suddenly begin to do so.

While guy B is just what he seems to be - a really nice guy, ready to commit now, and with lots of potential based on what he is currently actually doing.

It seems like the illusions and projections we bring along with us into our most intimate relationships are the hardest ones of all to detach from.

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