Oh yeah. Did I tell you that I've decided to be younger?
Don't get me wrong. In many ways I actually like my age. I've worked hard to get to 44 years and my life has taken some fascinating twists and turns along the way that I wouldn't give up. I've been shaped and formed and enriched.
But, I found myself getting anxious about getting older. Particularly about the idea of hitting ages that seemed like deadlines to me. Like it was okay to mess around and be unsure about my life if I was still in my 30s and 40s but by my 50s I should have all these things ironed out. And I need more time than that.
I also caught myself buying into a mythology that my body needed to age and it was okay because I was "getting older." Which I am, indeed, and which is partially a reality. But which is partially determined by perception and then the effort (or lack of effort) that perception creates.
I just didn't want to excuse sitting around on the couch, not trying to succeed in publishing, or not finding another career (or two) with my decades ahead.
So... I moved back the clock. I am now 34. I am vibrant and in the middle of my youth. I have ideas and energy and goals. I am anticipating a great second act when my kids are mostly grown. And I have 30 more years to settle into my careers and prepare for retirement and hit all my goals.
I want to live to at least 95, so I need to keep putting in the work now while I am still so young.
How about you? Do you love the age you are? Or would you pick a different age if you could? How would that change the way you do things and the way you feel about your life? :)
I decided this last week. Two days ago, I got carded to buy alcohol in a grocery store. The cashier was insistent I show my ID and didn't believe my age. Yay!! See how well the mind can adapt to new realities?