Thursday, December 11, 2008

This I Know

With pop music groups broaching the subject of love right and left, I'll relate the mild argument my therapist and I had today. (Okay, yes, I have a therapist. It explains a lot. As if you don't.)

My therapist took the stance that all love is conditional.

"No way," I said. "Love can be unconditional."

He challenged me to name unconditional love.

"Easy. The love for your children."

T argued that love for children may begin as unconditional but the older they become, the more your love for them becomes conditioned by your feelings about them as people. "What if your child was a drug addict, violent scumbag?" he asked.

But I held firm. Sure, I admitted, you wouldn't LIKE them. You absolutely wouldn't like their behavior. But it is possible to still LOVE them. Not everybody does, of course. But it's quite possible.

I went further. I actually think I LOVE my children more now than I did when they were younger, because with each year, they become more separate from me and more of the people that they really are.

He and I did readily agree that of all the relationships, romantic/relationship love is actually the most conditional. Most relationships are complexly negotiated contracts with each party agreeing to abide by their stipulations. That's why relationships fail so relatively frequently and easily.

But Unconditional Love? It exists - without a doubt. I know it does. And I didn't even mention the classic example - God's neverending love for us, which I deeply feel and believe in - as I thought it would be too difficult to prove or disprove.

In fact, in a real and deep sense, since you're reading this blog right now, I'm sharing Unconditional Love with you. Yep, you. For your humanity and all that you are, I love you unconditionally. And you know it. You can feel it. That love will persist despite all those annoying character flaws that you have. (We all have our share after all.) Even if I didn't like you, I could love you.

Reminds me of something S was teaching about in yoga training this weekend. Like many, he's clearly been scarred by a Christian upbringing. That's a common factor that brings Westerners to Yoga. He even went so far as to angrily declare, "Fundamentalist religions are stupid, that's all they are. All Fundamentalists religions are just stupid!"

After a calming breath, he continued, "Christianity is a Deep Practice. That's a heavy load to lay on people, To love others as yourself. It's no wonder so many crack under that pressure."

Good point. That is a Deep Practice.

Unconditional Love.

But it is possible. This I know.

4 comments:

Unknown said...

I would have asked him for the definition of love, not the definition of "unconditional".

That is the operative word here - the noun being drowned by a fairly weak adjective.

We humans have to qualify everything, water it down and give it a tepid adjective; brotherly love, abiding love, unconditional love ...

It's still love.

Besides, I'll put any of those against "hate" and her cousin, "ignorance", any day. There seems lately to be a lot more of the latter than the former.

PS: And for the record, if I were forced to say, then a mother's love for her child is the purest form of love.

Marie said...

Hi Andrew -
Good point. We both just assumed we had a working definition of love.

I think love is actually a verb. Not grammatically, I know, but in its essence.

Marie

Anonymous said...

Beautiful post, beautiful sentiment.

Thought you might get a giggle out of this: I had a dream last night and for some odd reason you were there and we were doing yoga, you and I. My body was doing things it's never done before (which tells me it really was a dream, lol). We were in a green place and very much at peace and talking like old friends. :o) It was neat.

Marie said...

Hi Elle!!
It's so good to have you back!

I like your dream - it sounds so calm and fun. Maybe someday, huh?

Namaste,
Marie