Stubborn

I am so stubborn. Sometimes this is a good trait. I have reaped rewards during my life simply through my sheerly obstinate ability to hang on to something going against me until it shifts to being my way. Other times, my hard-headedness works against me.

During yoga, I always want to do everything myself, without any props. I’m not sure why. I suppose I feel like there is something more natural about yoga with just my own body. Props feel like taking a shortcut.

There’s no good reason why I would feel this. I certainly have experienced lovely and helpful alterations to poses through the judicious use of props. Bolsters do support my knees and relax my back. That yoga block does let me reach more assuredly in Trikasana without crimping into my ribs. In addition, there are quite a few hands-behind-my-back poses that I can’t do without a strap. At least, not do well.

I don’t look down on anybody else for using props.

Perhaps I am afraid that if I get used to them, they may not be there when I need them. My own body will always be with me.

All I know is that when the teacher tells us, “You can get a bolster to make you more comfortable,” I never go and get one.

I just want to get on with the pose with my own limbs, my mat, and the floor.

Because I’m stubborn.

(Written 1-15-08)