Life and Dreams

Here's something I've noticed about my schedule. If the slightest bump or extra task gets thrown like a monkey wrench into the running works of my daily routine, it grinds things to a halt in some area -- usually my computer work or my writing since those are the least time sensitive and daily survival based uses of my time.

So, I've had to add in visits to a sick friend, plus the girls' shortened day schedules for the last two weeks, plus some mood disorder, and I haven't kept up here.

It seems that the slightest stumble in my work path sends me reeling forward with such momentum that it is days before I completely regain my balance and get back to a routine. That happens time after time, and I really don't know what to do about it except keep stumbling forward and gaining my balance.

With altered schedules, babysitting help for a friend, cleaning around the house, getting my car into the shop, keeping up with my yoga teaching, and doing extra care with my own kids, I am shocked to see that it has been more than a week since I have even touched my computer. How can that be? I always feel that I am just about to get to it next, and then something else comes up and something else and then sleep and then wake up and get the day started... and...whisk!... days pass.

Even now, during my "work" time, I've had to spend almost two hours at my desk sorting through mail, paying bills and balancing out our accounts to be sure that we are on time with everything. It's a little bleak, too. Yikes.

The bad news about my car is that the transmission is leaking and the engine mounts all need to be replaced to the tune of about $800 or the engine will eventually dislodge. The good news is that the transmission is under warranty, and in removing it to repair it for free, it exposes the engine mounts and cuts the cost of labor so that repair is down from $1,200. Yay? I suppose it's more good than bad. At least my car should stop shaking when I drive it.

I've had odd dreams lately. For the last few weeks really. Vivid dreams, sometimes nightmares about fire or losing someone. My sleep has been restless. Then I wake up. Morning again.

I don't know. My brain sorting through general anxiety? Working through remnants from the past? Trying to make sense of the confusion of it all? Maybe wondering if things could have been different somehow. I'm tired of feeling confused.