Searching My Life

Questions. Always questions.

It seems churlish to complain about my life. I know that I have so much, and so much more than so many other people do. I'm privileged and I feel the weight of that.

But there just seems to be something missing. There is a certain discontent that I carry within me, that seems to be simply a part of me, and not necessarily caused by my actual life or any lack within it. The closest I've come to feeling okay with everything was during Yoga. And for a few other fleeting moments.

And maybe that is simply the way that Life is. Perhaps that is the feeling of groundlessness that the Buddhists speak of, wanting to grasp for something and hold it tightly, but being unable to do so with success.

I don't like it much to be honest. I would actually like to grab on to something and hold it until I feel safe and secure. You know, given my preference.

It seems to me that people pretty much feel how they feel, regardless of actual events. Happy people tend to be happy anywhere. Bitter people are bitter. Even if you gave them their greatest wishes, they would simply sink back into a state of bitterness. They are used to it there, and don't want to leave. I don't know. Does that seem true to you? Does it seem that people pretty much stay as they are?