What a weird weekend! I am still trying to wrap my mind around everything. What I mainly feel now is a huge flood of relief and a sense of the surreal.
The friends I've told so far are all overjoyed for me and expect me to be celebrating. But I haven't even opened the champagne. All I'm doing so far is being very slow and deliberate, sticking to safe routines. Friday was really a draining, stress filled day. Although my mind knows that this is very, very good, my body had a whole panoply of fear-PTSD reaction just from being back in the same physical setting. The circularity of it all was eerie.
I keep thinking of things I am now able to do, just more and more little freedoms, and oddly, it just makes me realize how very oppressed and fearful I was on a daily basis. Like I said, it hasn't fully sunk in. I'm almost afraid to trust it too quickly.
I intentionally let my older daughter plan a Halloween party for Saturday night. Her first teen party, but girls only. Just gathering her peers for fun. I figured if I was depressed it would take my mind off of it, and if I was happy, then a party would be great. So as it was I had the wonderful, pressing needs of prepping a party to give me activiy and routine and social expectation while my body has sort of processed all of this.
I just got back from taking the court paperwork to the official agency, and I have to jump through a few more hoops and then there will be some delays in processing, etc. But I don't think that will matter much -- my life was able to move along pretty smoothly before -- and I have papers to carry with me to verify that I am indeed free!!
Again, thanks so much. In the end, the support I received did help quite a bit with my emotional stability. I'm probably going to wind up taking down all of my posts related to these issues - erase my own traces of my past - although that's only a small percentage of this blog so it will be here. As I move forward. Slowly. And carefully.
But gladly! : )