I had lunch with a friend today, and now I'm oddly depressed. I'm having trouble figuring out why.
Part of it is that I think I'm just exhausted; it's been a long and tiring week, and I feel like everything continually gets dumped on my lap to figure out. Bills, taxes, housecleaning, cooking, laundry, marketing, and supervising the girls all fall on me. Sometimes I just want a week or so off. Even a few days of a break. That's a full time load of work right there. Then I've got the four jobs, all jangling round in my mind.
So sometimes there's not that much room left in there for my friends' issues.
My friend is actually really happy. The boyfriend who was being lukewarm broke up with her a few months ago. She was heartbroken, but within weeks she met her current boyfriend. And he seems really, really awesome. She says he might be the one she's been waiting for.
He's super athletic, so they're working out together all the time. She's tall and has always looked great, but now she says she's down to a size six. I know I should be happy for her. But I just felt a bit worried, like maybe she was taking her weight too low to please him. She looks good a bit heavier. I kept asking myself if I was being jealous and insecure because I'm not at all happy with my own weight and fitness right now. But I don't think so. I think I actually don't think this looks healthy for her.
It was wonderful to hear how happy she is, especially after so, so many struggles with love. I guess I'm just worried that I've heard these good starts before. I don't want to watch the problems crop up. I don't want to see her get hurt one more time.
So, hopefully, her happiness and contentment is secure, and this guy can really be the one that works out for her. I hope so. I hope she gets whatever can make her feel good. I just wish I wasn't feeling so cynical about it.