Good morning, world!! It's another beautiful day here, at my green writing desk.
Welcome to this little journey I like to call the ongoing saga of my life. Another day, and it continues forward. What will the next hours bring?
The election is behind us, and now we go forward in the direction chosen. While I am personally quite, quite pleased with the results, I am sensitive to that fact that half of my fellow Americans aren't. I think, more than who are leader is, the challenge before us is to come together in dialogue and understanding, to compromise and move together instead of to continue to demonize each other.
Sure, it hurts when others don't agree with us, or see things our way. But I think we can do a lot better than pointing fingers and calling names. And buying into so much fear. No matter what, we're going to be okay.
I am absolutely thrilled just to have voted and been a part of something so historic and interesting. It's nice to play a role, even a tiny one.
Wednesday here, how about for you? Just sitting here at my desk fills me simultaneously with peace and dread, so that's always a potent mix. It makes it hard not to opt for Target instead. Target trips are always easy for me; they're straightforward -- follow the list, get the stuff, enjoy the browsing, appreciate the clean, bright, colorful atmosphere, go home with a task satisfactorily completed. Writing and work is nothing like that. I'm never sure what I'm doing. I'm never sure that what I'm doing is what I'm supposed to be doing. I have no clear direction or target and it's hard to choose among equally good goals of blogging, storycrafting, proposing, and research. So I tend to fill a small swell of panic rise up, and I usually just want to run, run away, run away to something more comfortable.
But there's lots to be gained in simply sitting with discomfort. And, so, here I am.
My brain's been extra needy lately. Chemicals drained down by busyness, stress, and whatnot. I find myself looking for those quick boosts - a little sugar, a little online connection, exercise. Haven't actually been shopping much which is a usual mood booster for me. I must actually be concerned about our finances. Gasp.
One thing I've noticed is that my web habits are not really giving me the returns I'm looking for. I need to find a community of people where I can get a social boost by clicking to them. Or some consistently compelling sites to read. Something. It's been a letdown to look for something satisfying and not find it.
I think I'm pulling myself back together though. After a while of searching for answers outside of me, I'll turn inward. Find my own satisfactions. Write my own words to read, just for myself, readers aside. there's a lot of power in that, in being able to feed yourself when you're hungry. The trap of wanting more and seeking more is just a fool's game. (Note to self - story idea).
Today, though, today I am rebuilding my contentment. I am having peace and sunlight, dappled through the bush outside my window. I am counting my blessing, practicing gratitude. And next, I am reaching out to loved ones to make good energy. Time and time again in my life, I have made my luck, made my opportunity appear, by reaching forward in faith. It's happened again this week. No sooner did I start a writing class, simply committing my energy to improving, no sooner did I complete the first assignment, then I got an unexpected email from my old boss. The one who laid me off two months ago. She wants to phone conference on Friday, and she said she has good news. I'm hoping that means that work has picked back up and that she needs me back in some capacity!
Also on the good side, I'm busy planning the bridal shower for my friend whose wedding I will appear in during January. Her other two bridesmaids and I are in a flurry of research and emailing, trying to select a venue for 20 ladies to celebrate this joy. We hope to settle on plans by the weekend and get the invitations out for an event date of early December. Yay, yay. Plus potential new friends that I haven't met yet!!
I'm not even trying here. You know that right? I am simply being, simply being as honest as I can as I move from topic to topic. Trying would look really different. Trying would probably work. I don't want anything to work. On a related but different note, I was browsing the magic section of B&N (yes, they have one) and thumbed through a book of love spells. In my opinion, most love spells are wrong, wrong, wrong! Trying to compel someone to do or feel something, particularly by magic, is a misuse of energy and potentially harmful to all. Only through their own free will should people enter into love or other craziness, not because you ground something up and put it in their drink. Such a violation of physical and emotional boundaries!! Yuck. It's so distasteful to me.
When I write, I feel that my soul is slowly expanding. It is as if I were settling down into the calmest, most peaceful and contented part of myself. It's a powerful practice, even if I don't say much of anything in particular. I enjoy it, that's what matters. Maybe money will come; maybe not, but in the meantime, it makes me feel looser, happier, and more hopeful.