Saturday, January 5, 2013

Having Best Days Lately!

Next week will resume my more structured work schedule, and, with it, a more regular use of this blog as a tool and a motivator, and even at times, a companion on my journey through my days.

It's been a good vacation season, very busy and unstructured, and I am ready for the discipline and order of January and a new year and a fresh start. All of that!

This year feels like the freshest start in quite a while, for me, and I hope for my readers as well. This year so far when I find myself feeling down or doubting my ability to achieve I shake it off and remember that THAT was the past, but this is all new and fresh! I can make it whatever I most want to.  (Yay-optimism!)

So I have some goals in mind, intentions, resolutions, whatever you want to call them. I'll sit down soon and put them into written form. There's real magic in doing that. And it's fun too.

I'm starting the year with an interesting new facet of my identity. At the age of 44 I have just realized that I have mild to moderate ADHD! It seems ridiculous, but it fits my work habits and life history very well. So that's been interesting over the last few weeks, as I test out the validity of this new concept, and try to incorporate it into a picture of my identity. In many ways, it feels like such a relief.

One of my biggest struggles for years now has been wondering why I can't get more work done and why I'm not more consistent. But often sitting down to write feels overwhelming to me. I had chalked it up to lingering anxiety from my experiences. Now, though, I see that it predates all of that, and in fact, was probably a factor in everything I've ever done. In fact, ADHD is considered to be primarily a Behavioral Inhibition Disorder, which describes a lot of my life. There's always been a certain impulsivity to my decision-making that doesn't fit with the structured, organized parts of myself.

I've always managed it fairly well, so with this extra bit of insight, I think I'll be able to adapt my work routines even further and feel more confident and at ease in my career. It is certainly a much more agreeable identity than the one I've just shed!! :)

Anyway, I'll try to get back to the story of this discovery process. For now, it's a special day. It's Saturday, the first one of the New Year. It's a whole new year unfolding, fresh and full of possibility. I hope it's a great day for all. I know it will be for me, just like the line of days to follow it!

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